His Love For Hatred

Worth Mentioning ....

2009-08-30T14:24:00.000-07:00

New online fashion boutique, tawa fate7...

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30: Undeniable Truths Hurt

2009-03-22T11:26:00.000-07:00

It has come to my attention that some people (especially Jam3iya) are still za3laneen 3alay fa gelt ba7e6likom this short post 3ashan aratheeekom...did it work?!

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Zeina didn’t know how long she had been in the balcony but the only thing that brought her back to reality was the clicking of the front door as it shut behind Manaf. She froze not knowing what to do, the news she had received a while ago still hadn’t registered with her and she still hadn’t thought of what to do or what to say to him.

“Zeina?” Manaf’s voice called out to her from the bedroom where he had gone to look for her. Zeina emerged from the balcony still in her pajamas, her hair a mess and looked at her husband. His tall stature, his broad chest, his much shorter hair…she stared at his eyes trying to look for the man she once knew. The same man that had swept her off of her feet that day at the university when she had accidently stumbled upon him. The same man that held her hand while they dropped from the highest point Zeina had ever been on. He didn’t seem to be there.

Replacing him was a man with dark circles under his eyes that Zeina had thought once to be from all the work but wasn’t sure anymore. The new man in front of Zeina looked over her very much unlike the old one, it was as if he acknowledged her body and face in front of him but didn’t stare too long at it enough to let them register in his mind. He swept through her and her words quite often now and Zeina was beginning to understand why. Her husband, her Manaf, had a secret; one that was bound to reveal itself if he looked at her for too long, if he hugged her too tightly, if he spoke to hear more regularly.

Manaf was pushing himself away from her in order to hide.

“Ah there you are” Manaf said finally noticing her walking in from the balcony, “fakartay sheno tabeen ghada?” He asked flipping through papers in his hand a wrinkle forming on his forehead. The same wrinkle Zeina had seen a million times since she had arrived in New York but had always blamed on work. Zeina didn’t speak as she stood there staring at him wondering what the right words to say were.

“Shfeech?” Manaf asked putting down the papers and staring at her with worry in his eyes. Tears formed at the corners of Zeina’s eyes but she held them back.

“Tell me.” She whispered.

Manaf’s face fell as he took in the seriousness of Zeina’s expression; he knew she was talking about something solemn.

“Tell you what?” He tried feebly, still holding on to the glimmer of hope that Zeina hadn’t found out.

“…What the doctor said” She continued. It was here that Manaf’s gaze fell to the floor and for the next several minutes refused to look up. Zeina took a step forward and stood inches from his face.

“Manaf…look at me! And tell me!” She snapped at him her voice refusing to quiver.

“Shlon 3araftay?” He asked her.

“Not by you…”

Manaf continued to be quiet for a few seconds before he gave Zeina his back and walked into the bedroom. Dumbfounded Zeina froze in her spot not knowing if she should follow him or not. Finally her feet began to work and they made their way into the bedroom but Manaf wasn’t there; looking around she heard the sound of the showerhead in the bathroom. She sat on the edge of the bed and waited for him, a sea of emotions crashing inside of her. She still hadn’t managed to distinguish what the strongest emotion inside of her was. Was it anger? Hurt? Or was it mind blowing, earth shattering fear?

Was she going to be left alone, without Manaf? A world with a crabby, stressed, busy Manaf was one that was a million times better than one without him completely. It was a thought she was not willing to explore just yet because she knew that once she began to consider this world, she would enter a dark abyss that she was not likely to ever escape.

Minutes later Manaf came out of the bathroom and slightly taken aback by Zeina’s position sitting firmly and stubbornly in front of him, he froze.

“Meta kent nawi etgooly?” She whispered.

“I just found out Zeina” He replied.

“Shlon ya3ni? Eshdarak? Shlon mata7acha?!” Her voice began to rise uncontrollably. Manaf walked towards her and sat down next to her on the bed and for the first time in weeks stared right at her and held her gaze unwaveringly.

“I couldn’t tell you” He whispered still not looking away.

“What? Why?” Her strong calm voice began quivering as the tears that would undoubtedly make their way began to form behind her eyes.

“Shagoolich? Khalaitich etwagfeen derastich, sa7abtich min ahalich, ga6aitich ib deera ibroo7ich, majabaltich wela 7atan shift ishlonich feeha, o akher shay ayeech wagoolich I might be dying o because of me ra7 et9eereen a widow?!”

“DON’T SAY THAT” Zeina screamed the tears, this time of anger, flowed freely… “you can’t say that!” She whimpered grabbing his arm.

“Zeina 7abeebti…” he began to speak then stopped and looked down, taking her hands off of his arm and kissing them gently. He then looked back up for a brief second, enough for Zeina to see the tears forming inside his eyes, then got up and in two swift strides walked out of the bedroom and into the living room. Zeina marched after him violently wiping the tears that were pouring across her face. She caught up with Manaf on the balcony and stared at him as he gave her his back.

“Manaf it’s not that bad 9a7? People get cured all the time…a9lan 9ar shay 3adi…we shouldn’t even worry” Zeina rambled half to fill the silence and the other half to convince herself.

“You’re right. Eli Allah katba be9eer Zeina whether I’m sick or not..” He turned around, the tears now gone from his eyes. He walked up to Zeina and grabbed her firmly from her face, “Zayoon, I am so sorry you had to deal with this o inich you got stuck with insan mithli ana…bes atkhayal il ta3ab ili I already put you through at the possibility of putting you through more and it kills me wala!”

Suddenly all the tears that had been forming in Zeina’s eyes disappeared as a wave of anger washed over her, “enta ma geltli 3ashan 3abalik I can’t handle it?” She said slowly, “3abalik when I find out banhar o babchi o ra7 at3ab?” Her voice slowly began to rise, “la, don’t you dare let me take the easy way out. Ra7 etwareeni every single test you did o ra7 aroo7 ma3ak every single appointment you have o you’re going to fight this, because qa9bin 3alaik you get better! Fahem?!” Her voice had risen to screams at the end of her sentence and she realized that she was holding on to Manaf with all of her strength.

“Enshallah” Manaf whispered before kissing her forehead.

He led Zeina inside and sat her down on the couch before going into the bedroom and coming back out with a stack of folders and envelopes.

“f7oo9atik?” Zeina asked quietly, her heart beating severely.

Manaf nodded and sat down next to her extending his arm towards her. Just as Zeina grasped the folders and pulled them into her lap Manaf’s hand touched hers and she looked up.

“Zayoon. Please help me” He whispered.

29: New York, New York!

2009-03-20T13:03:00.000-07:00

Awal shay i'm REALLY sorry for not updating in a long time, wayed minkom waited so patiently for me and I really appreciate it. I've had a long month with loads of stuff to do mixed with severe writers block. I hope you enjoy the new post o enshallah ma7ad feekom za3lan wayed lol ;p

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Zeina smiled politely at the doorman as she followed Manaf into their apartment building; she took in the unfamiliar furniture and all the colors of the walls; Manaf greeted a man at the front desk and took some keys from him before he leaned back and put his arms around Zeina.

He led her to a set of elevators where once on, he pressed the button for 23 and tightened his grip on her waist. Zeina hadn’t said a word to him since landing in New York, she was too busy trying to comprehend the idea that she was coming to live and not to visit. She was also quiet for fear that if she opened her mouth words of how much she already missed her mother would pour out followed undoubtedly by a river of tears.

The elevator doors opened up and Manaf half dragged Zeina out into the hallway and towards an apartment door that had the numbers 1204 in gold lettering in the middle. He pushed the keys in and slid the door open for her, “welcome home 7abeebti” he whispered waiting for her to walk in. Zeina took a hesitant step inside and began reviewing the room in front of her; it was a small living room, to her side was a small kitchen and a large hallway appeared to her left. Following it, Zeina found herself standing at the door of the main and only bedroom.

“Ta3alay shofay il view” Manaf’s voice interrupted her thoughts and she made her way back to the living room. Once outside with Manaf, she looked the city lights that were lighting up the dark skies and she found herself breathless.

“Bard..” She giggled snuggling up to him.

“Ee 3abalich ga3da bilk wait intay?” He teased her rubbing her arms with his hands to warm her up.

“We should unpack..” She told him, still unable to remove her eyes from the view.

“Ne6reeni..!” he joked, not budging and tightening his grip on her so that she too could not budge.

“Meta your first day?” Zeina asked him pulling him back inside from the cold breeze, and throwing herself on the couch.

“Bacher I go in 3ashan they show me around..”

“waaay .. wana shasawii ihnee ibroo7i?” She whined

“You shop?” He raised an eyebrow at her reaching into his pocket and taking out a credit card and waving it in front of her.

“Laa mu min9ijik!” Zeina laughed reaching in to grab it

“Kelshay be7dooda, you’ve heard that saying right 3omri?” He smiled at her as she plucked the card from his fingers.

“Nope, never. What does that mean?” She asked innocently. His smile was immediately wiped off of his face as she got up and skipped to their bedroom, leaving him to mentally calculate the amount of debt his new wife was most likely going to put him in.

That night Zeina slept soundly as she thought of the months to come that would be spent alone with Manaf and the hundreds of clothing stores around the states and when she awoke the next day she was saddened to see that her husband had already left for work. She grabbed her mobile and flipped through the text messages she had received over the night; one of them was from Manaf: 9aba7 el khair 3omri, didn’t want to wake you…I’m on my way to work see you at five! Love you.

FIVE?! Zeina wanted to scream as she remembered that working hours in the states weren’t like Kuwait… 2 o’clock in the afternoon was barely mid-workday for them over here, while in Kuwait it was almost after-hours! Realizing she had another six hours to waste before Manaf would be home, she began taking her time getting ready before hitting the Manhattan streets.

Zeina realized as the hours passed slowly that if she was to spend every day wandering the streets alone then the upcoming six months were going to be the longest of her life and after the third hour of aimless wandering she began fighting the urge to call her mother and burst into tears. Manaf had only managed to call her for a few minutes to check on her before she overheard some guys calling him into a meeting and he hurried off the phone. She knew she couldn’t tell him about how hard her day has been because he hardly needed the pressure right now.

Eventually, like a lifetime later, five o’clock loomed in and Zeina hurriedly got into a cab and made her way back to the apartment building, or what she should start calling home. She was barely out of her outfit and into her casual home attire before Manaf’s key was heard at the front door.

“Manooof!” Zeina squealed rushing up to him and hugging him.

“7abeeebti entay…hi!” He chuckled, giving her a kiss on her head, before making his way to the bedroom…”how was your day?”

“Not important! How was yours? Do you like your job? Are the people nice? Are they overworking you?”

“Shway shway …! Kelshay tamam, lots of work, bes inshallah it won’t be a problem” He smiled at her untying his tie and pulling it over his head. “Ta3baaaan” He muttered throwing himself on the bed.

“Aww..7ayati! Did you eat? Want me to make you something?” She offered sitting down beside him.

“La mashkoora, I ate at the office..bes abi I lie down shwaya” He began taking off his shoes and made his way to the bathroom to wash up. Zeina left him to it and went to the living room to flip through the television while he changed. Twenty minutes later she realized that he had not joined her and so she went looking for him, only to find him passed out asleep on the bed. Feeling sorry for him, and a little lonely, she turned off the lights and went back to watching TV alone.

The rest of the week went pretty much the same way; Manaf would leave for work before she woke up, and come back too exhausted to even mutter a sentence before passing out. He’d wake up early into the night and finish up some work, but only after he gave an hour of his time listening to Zeina’s day, which consisted of nothing but shopping since she had nothing else to do. She vowed to not sound whiney and dependant and that she would give herself time to make friends and get herself involved with different things to preoccupy her time and so she decided to avoid telling Manaf just how unhappy she had been their first week there.

---

“Zeina mama it’s only been a month…ne6ray 3alaih 7abeebti, akeed karfeena bil dawam o ta3ban!” Zeina’s mother spoke calmly onto the phone. A month had passed since they had first gotten to New York and Zeina had finally cracked and broke down, telling her mother everything.

“La mama matadreen, metghayer, 9ayer 3a9abi o mala khilgy o maykalemni kelish” Zeina choked onto the phone, she felt guilty at the pit of her stomach knowing that she was causing her mother pain by letting her hear her crying so uncontrollably. “9ar ma3inda ila ygooli entay matadree eshkither ana 3alay thaq6…o etha 9ar 3inda break law yoom, mayabi esawii shay bes yabi inam o ejabel il tv wela 7atan yfaker ina ana maqmoota o ma a6la3 min il sheqa wayed!”

“7abeebti calm down…intay al7ean met’thayga o eb3eeda 3an deertich o ahalich fa you feel alone…” Her mother began attempting to calm her down with her words of wisdom but she was interrupted by the front door slamming shut. Manaf had come home unexpectedly early. “akalmich mama” Zeina whispered into the phone as she hid her tear streaked face from him. He had not yet seen the tears she had shed during the month and she didn’t know what his reaction would be like.

“Eshfeech?” He asked not coming any closer. His face was tired and impatient and Zeina didn’t feel like hearing words that would hurt her from him.

“Wela shay…kent ga3da akalem omy” She muttered lowering her gaze in an attempt to avoid his eyes.

“Enzain.” He muttered and walked into the room. His indifference sent another trail of tears down her cheeks as she stepped out to the balcony to wipe them off. Just like every other day, Manaf went straight to bed after work and Zeina was left to watch TV by herself. Deciding not to sulk alone at the apartment she headed out and to the nearest bookstore to browse and keep herself occupied. Every few minutes she’d check her phone, one to see what time it was, and two to check if Manaf had called to ask about her. He didn’t.

When she got home she saw that Manaf too had gone out, and without even texting her to inform her. Not knowing how to react she made herself some dinner before crawling into bed and between tear streaked sobs she somehow managed to fall asleep. A voice however woke her up not soon after she had dozed off “Zayoon 7abeebti?” Manaf whispered into her ear.

“Na3am?” She asked turning to face him, half confused half worried. “Shfeek?”

“I want to apologize 7abeebti. I know you’re sad o adry 9ayer 7aywan. I have an explanation bes magdar agoolich..” He said looking away.

“Well then, that makes it all better” She replied sarcastically giving him her back and trying to go back to sleep.

“Zayoon 3omri… latez3ileen 3alay” He leaned in closer but she didn’t budge.

“Shoof shlon you’ve been treating me o gooly laish ma az3al” She whispered back, the tears were making their way back to her eyes and she didn’t want to have another break down.

“Enshallah soon ra7 yetghayar kelshay o everything will become better. Wala Zayoon I promise.”

“Ok.” She muttered.

“Adry mu im9adgatni…bes you’ll see. Wa3ad” He kissed her arm and snuggled to her back, but Zeina made no attempt to get closer to him.

“You know..” She whispered, her voice choking slightly…”you’re not the Manaf I knew.”

And with that they went to sleep.

The next day Zeina woke up to see Manaf getting dressed, “Wain raye7?” She asked him in a cold tone.

“El maktab” He whispered back not looking at her.

“It’s a weekend” Pretending to remind him.

“Adry, bes yabooni akhali9 shay ibser3a..I shouldn’t be more than an hour” He leaned in to kiss her forehead but she pulled away. His face fell with disappointment but he didn’t say anything; slowly he turned away and walked out. Zeina glanced at the bedside clock, it was 11 am “Esh3inda edawem at 11 during the weekend?” She muttered angrily to herself before making her way to the bathroom. Just as she shut the door the apartment phone began to ring; hoping it was her mother Zeina rushed out of the bathroom to pick it up.

“Alo?” She spoke breathlessly into the phone.

“Hi, is this Mr. Manaf Al Flani’s residence?” An American man spoke back.

“Umm yes, this is his wife can I help you?” Zeina replied taken aback, it was unusual for someone from Manaf’s workplace to call the apartment number.

“Yes this is Michael from Doctor Millers office…please remind him that he has an appointment with Doctor Miller in half an hour and not to be late.”

“He has a what? Are you sure?” she replied confused

“Yes Ma’am, he scheduled it two weeks ago. We have all his reports we’re ready to fit him in for testing today.”

“What kind of Doctor is he?” She muttered, beginning to panic.

“Doctor Miller is one of the most esteemed Oncologists in the country ma’am and he runs one of New York’s handful of top Cancer Clinics! You’re husband is in good hands”

Zeina got off the phone, her hand shaking too severely for her to place it back on the handset properly.

She quickly stumbled to the balcony for fresh air as her head began to cloud with dizziness.

28: A Decision to Make ..

2009-01-23T11:43:00.000-08:00

Zeina rolled to her side for the hundredth time in her bed, she had just hung up from her regular hour long phone call with Manaf; he had gone back to Ma9er to finish up whatever he had left and had been calling her every night at 11pm on the dot. The velvet box with her engagement ring lay next to her propped open and tilted so that the top of the diamond faced her. Every few minutes she’d place it on her finger then after examining it would put it back inside the box. As the minutes past she slowly began to drift off only to be visited by Manaf in her dreams.

The next two months passed by like they were happening overnight and soon enough Zeina was saying goodnight one last time to Manaf in Egypt. He came back to Kuwait and within two weeks he began working at one of his uncle’s law firms. Zeina’s phone would still ring every night at 11pm, the only difference was that their phone calls now lasted a little longer than before; Manaf would tell her all about his new cases and how different work life was from university and Zeina would complain about all the work she had to finish for her classes. It was a period of steady bliss and Zeina began to feel comfortable as they created their own routine and fell perfectly into it.

---

“Zeina entay met2akda inich tabeena?” Zeina’s mother asked for the hundredth time as Zeina sat next to her openly texting Manaf. Manaf’s relatives had contacted Zeina’s mother a little less than two weeks earlier and had requested a chance to sit with her and her mother. Zeina’s mother’s first reaction was to call it off before anything even happened but after Zeina’s insistence it became clear to her that there was something going on between them and that her daughter had made her mind up long ago. After the first visit and a few more phone calls the men gathered for the official visit and soon enough their engagement was announced to the world. The first few days Zeina’s phone hadn’t stopped ringing with congratulations and desperate attempts of information digging but Zeina was too busy floating on clouds to care what people were thinking or saying.

“Ee youma abeeh” Zeina replied to her mother trying as best as she could not to reveal the childish smile she had on her face. Her mother sighed grinning at her daughter and got up to look for something in the kitchen. Zeina took the opportunity to quickly call Manaf up, a few seconds later she disappointedly hung up; he hadn’t replied.

Two hours later Zeina glanced at the clock on her mobile, Manaf usually called her right after he got out of work which was a little over an hour ago, sensing something was wrong she tried again; he didn’t reply this time either. Starting to feel a bit worried she texted him and waited impatiently for a reply. None came.

A little over four hours later, as the sun began to set, Zeina’s phone rang and Manaf’s name filled the screen.

“Alo?” She almost shouted into the phone.

“Abee ashoofich” He immediately stated his voice rushed and serious

“Umm..Okay…” she replied slowly caught off guard.

“Wainich?” He asked

“Bel bait, come over etha taby” A knot began forming at the pit of Zeina’s stomach as she began to panic, this tone of voice would put any engaged woman in a fit of fear. The last thing a bride needs was an angry fiancé in the few months leading up to their wedding.

“Ahalich mawjoodeen?” He asked, he was practically spitting the words out at this point.

“Ee mawjodeen..”

“Khosh 3a6eehom khabar, wana al7ean bel 6ireej..” and with that hung up. Trying to wipe the worried expression off of her face Zeina began walking around the house looking for her mother.

“Youma, Manaf bemor shwaya okay?” She asked when she found her mother arranging vases in another living room in the house.

“Ee 7abeebty akeed 7ayahh Allah…” her mother said looking up, “bes badlay” she said giving Zeina’s house outfit a once over.

Deep in thought Zeina made her way upstairs and changed into jeans and a plain t-shirt and untied her hair, tossing it to the side. Ten minutes later her mobile rang and with a heavy heart she answered Manaf telling him to come on in. As she made her way downstairs she could hear Manaf politely saying hello to her mother, then she heard her mother tell him to wait for Zeina in the guest living room. Zeina quickly walked in and her mother excused herself to give them some privacy. Manaf stood up and gave Zeina a light kiss on the cheek. Zeina having told herself that she was exaggerating and that nothing was wrong began to realize that her initial reaction was only too accurate, Manaf was very angry and it showed. His face was darkened from what Zeina assumed was a long day at work, his hair was disheveled, his upper button of his Dishdasa was opened and he was in no way or form smiling.

“3asa ma shar Manaf, emkhare3ni” Zeina began taking a seat next to him. Manaf looked away for a few seconds then ran his palms and fingers across his face before pressing his fingers on his eyes as if he was having a bad migraine.

“Rasy ibyenfijir” He muttered still covering his eyes.

“Ayeeblik Panadol?” Zeina asked him getting up and quickly heading to the cabinet that held the Panadol, on her way back she told the maid to get them some water.

“Tefathal” Zeina said handing him the pills and the glass of water, without any response Manaf swallowed the pills down with water then leaned back in his seat.

“Ma dagaitli lama 6ala3t min il maktab” Zeina tried again gently

“Tawni 6ale3” He replied curtly. Zeina kept quiet for a few seconds giving him a chance to explain what was happening but he too remained quiet.

“Ubay Manaf, tell me shesalfa” Zeina exploded finally losing her calm.

“Tahawasht weya weld 3ami” he muttered finally still not looking at Zeina. Zeina immediately knew which cousin he was referring to, weld 3am Manaf is the son of the uncle he was working for and was also working at the same maktab. Zeina also knew from what Manaf told her that he was lazy and his father was getting sick of it, and that problems between him and Manaf had begun almost as soon as Manaf had began working for the firm. Manaf instantly became his uncle’s favorite employee, always on time and always trying his hardest, the difference between him and weld 3ama was evident from day one.

Glad that this wasn’t about her Zeina took a deep relaxing breath before gently putting her hand on his back and rubbing it.

“Sh9aar?” She asked

“gabel la agoolich abeech taw3ideeni inich mat3a9been, because I did shay yemkin may3ajbich”, the butterflies that had just disappeared from Zeina’s stomach reappeared immediately. Manaf was still not looking her in the eye.

“Gooli” She spoke up in a steady tone

“fe offer, 7ada qawii, o I really want it o ana the perfect person for it o 3ami kan misti3id ya36eeniya lain weld 3ami…” Manaf followed the mention of his cousin with a few curse words, something he had never done in front of Zeina before, “qarar ina e9eer yahel o ela qa9eb yabi il position. El mohim gam shway we6ig’ha bachya 3ind ibooh tekfa 3a6ni o ana ra7 at3adal aw3idik o madry shino, 6ab3an 7achy fathy o ma 9adag 3amii. El mohim he made a huge scene bil maktab fashalna ga3ad e9arekh 3alay o radait 9arakht 3alaih o dash baina 3ami ewagefna wel kel ekhiz. Ya3ni jad kan el wath3 efashel ma china ahal kelish…”

“Ba3ad 3omriii” Zeina cooed leaning in closer and hugging Manaf; he didn’t return her hug.

“Al7ean ana ba3ad 3omrich, ba3ad eshway bet3a9been adry. Bes wala jad Zeina mali khilg elyoom wa9el 7adii..”

“Sheli bekhaleeni a3a9eb?” She asked him hesitantly.

“3igub il scene ili 9ar…” Manaf began after a short silence, “3ami sakar 3ala nafsa il maktab ma bagha a7ad edish 3alaih. Ga3adt ib maktibi an6er lana ma 7abait amshi gabel la a3titherla…el mohim yoom 6ala3 re7tla o kan 7ail im3a9eb 3a6ani mu7athara 3ooda 3an shlon he created the firm on his own o shlon kan yetmana ina welda yagthib kelshay o shlon welda mu rathy e9eer rayal o shlon now he has to choose weld ekhooh 3ala welda lana welda be6aye7 il shareka bil ga3 … o 3a6ani kalam ya3ni el 9ara7a 7asasni ina ga3d ya36eeni akthar min welda o ina it was really hurting him. Fa gali ra7 a36eek il position lanik you fought hal kither for it…”

Manaf trailed off and kept quiet for a while, “Enzain o how does this affect me?” Zeina asked him.

“El position mu bel kwait…” He finally said.

“Wain il position?”

“New York…” He finally turned away and stared at her intently trying to read her reaction. Zeina thought about it for a second and used all the power she could muster not to squeal and jump up and down.

“That’s a bad thing?” She finally asked a broad smile on her face.

“Ee…we leave ib 5 weeks, ya3ni kelshay you’ve been planning for the wedding gets cancelled..”

“Oh..” Zeina realized suddenly. She thought of all the work her mother and aunts had been putting in for the wedding and all the money her father had already begun spending for the preparations. “Ya3ni mako 3ers?” Her voice lowered slightly with disappointment.

“Embala, etha tegdireen etzahbeen 7ag 3ers ib a month…” He said his voice not filled with optimism at all.

“Bes…Bes…” Zeina began, a million thoughts running through her head, there was no way she could plan a wedding in a month, she wasn’t sure she was willing to sacrifice a wedding for a job, and what about her derasa? For the first time since Manaf had come over she began to feel angry, “ubay Manaf, what if I don’t want to go!” She snapped, realizing the position he had put her in. “O ba3dain how long is this for?!”

“six months…” he whispered, “3igub kel ili 9ar o 3a6ani il position 3ami magdar agoola la2 Zayoon..”

“SIX MONTHS! Bes kelshay ib 7ayati ra7 yetghayar!” Her voice went a pitch higher

“agdar aroo7 ebroo7i…” he almost whispered to himself.

“Na3aaaaaaaaam? Hatha ili nage9 ba3ad!” Zeina muttered turning away with rage.

“Zeina 7abeebti I know your angry o walah il 3atheem ma aloomich ana ghabi o 7aywan o 7a6aitich ib mawqef bayekh..” He slowly got up from his seat picking up his cell phone and car keys, “o ana rasi ibyenfijir 9arli 10 sa3at bil maktab I need to sleep shwaya. Tekfain fakray bil mawthoo3 wana ra7 amor 3alaich bacher il 9ib7 entifaham some more. Please lat3a9been 3alay 7abeebti..” and with that he kissed her forehead and headed out of the door. Zeina remained in her seat, she listened as Manaf said goodbye to her mother assuring her that nothing was wrong, she then heard the front door shut and finally she heard the machine of his car come to life outside.

27: Dalal's Wedding and Zeina's Surprise

2009-01-19T12:08:00.001-08:00

The red box with Dalal’s wedding invitation sat on Zeina’s bedside table; Dalal had been kind enough to send her mother one too even though they both knew that Zeina’s mother wouldn’t go. Walking around in her bathrobe Zeina caught a glance of herself in the mirror, her bare face stared back at her; she had just returned from the hairdressers and couldn’t stop admiring the amazing job they had done. Having woken up with extreme impatience for the event to come she decided to waste as much time as possible, and so she had grabbed the nearest pile of magazines and began flipping through for a new hair color. This is how her light hair had now turned into a shade slightly darker than chocolate; she realized, staring at herself, that her darker hair brought out the paleness of her skin making her look more delicate than ever. Almost every hair style ever invented had gone through her head in the week leading up to today and having narrowed it down to ten different styles, it took her all the way until the very last minute in the hairdresser’s seat to settle on the one she wore now.

Her hair puffed up slightly from the front, was pulled back neatly and sprayed to perfection with the rest of it pulled to the back in a large neat bun. An assortment of pins with single silver crystals were neatly placed around her hair. She stared at her phone impatiently waiting for the makeup artist to call and tell her that she had arrived; Zeina longed to call Manaf but she knew he was too busy with his brother to talk. Ever since he had gotten back from Ma9er two days ago they had been on the phone constantly and Zeina lacked so much sleep she was shocked she could walk. She had begged Manaf to tell her what the surprise he had for her was but he had been persistent in his decision to wait until the wedding. Just then her phone rang interrupting her thoughts, running she made her way to the living room downstairs and waited for the makeup lady to be let in. Once she was in she presented her gown to her so that they could decide on the makeup.

Zeina had put a lot of thought into what she would wear; unlike any other wedding, this one had an audience she was longing to impress. Amirah, the makeup artist admired the dress with wide eyes and Zeina didn’t blame her, this was by far the prettiest dress Zeina had bought for a wedding. It lay flowing from its hanger to the ground, a deep crimson color that had always been Zeina’s favorite. It took Amirah a little over half an hour to complete Zeina’s makeup and when she finally glanced at her face in the mirror her smoky black eyes and crimson lips gazed back.

“entay lazim kel mara eta2akharain?” Zeina’s mother appeared lecturing her daughter and smiling broadly at the same time, it was obvious that she liked the outcome of her daughter’s hair and makeup.

“Yala ka al7ean balbis” Zeina replied once again making her way upstairs, it was at that moment that she began to feel the formation of butterflies in her stomach. Her mother followed her carrying the dress carefully and calling at the maids to make some bukhoor for Zeina. Inside Zeina’s bedroom her mother cleared off some stuff from her bed and lay the dress on it and immediately began fussing about the shoes and what clutch she was going to use with the dress; Zeina however was not listening to her mother because she had noticed a new message blinking on her mobile screen and the name of the sender was Manaf.

Slowly she clicked on the icon opening the message, the words “I love you” immediately filled the screen; hiding her need to scream with glee as best as she could Zeina put the phone down and turned her focus to her mother. She began undressing and started putting on the layers of clothing she needed, finishing off with her dress. Her mother helpfully adjusted everything she put on making sure Zeina didn’t mess up her hair or make up in the process then like most obsessive mothers she began going over a verbal checklist of things Zeina should have done or should be wearing. When they were finally done Zeina threw in everything she needed into the dark silver clutch she was using and headed to her mother’s room to accessories. Opting to go with big earrings Zeina chose a simple diamond necklace and a simple diamond encrusted Cartier watch for her wrist.

Finally she began making her way downstairs for the final touches, perfume and bukhour. As she lifted her dress to avoid tripping over it she could overhear her mother silently mumbling a few ad3iya to protect her daughter from el 3ain. When Zeina’s mother was done spraying every inch of Zeina’s skin with 3i6er and spreading as much bukhour smoke around her and her hair she was ready to go; covering her bare chest and shoulders with a black shawl Zeina left the house and got into the driver’s car and began directing him towards Dalal’s house, which according to the invitation is where the wedding was taking place.

The butterflies which had been slowly increasing since the makeup session were wreaking havoc in Zeina’s stomach as she finally pulled up to the house. If Zeina had thought the house looked nice when she had first seen it then there were no words to describe how it had transformed for the wedding. Bright white lights filled the place so abundantly that a person had to take a few minutes to let their eyes adjust to the brightness; and from what Zeina could see from her car window, the side garden was filled with decorations that had a silvery theme. A uniformed man made his way to her car and opened the door for her and taking a deep breath Zeina made her way towards the music and crowd of dancing women.

The basement, where everyone was gathered was decorated magnificently with large sheaths of clear silver material that stuck to the corners of the ceilings and then drooped low into the center of the room before rising up again, finally ending as a bow on one of the sides of the large chandelier that hung in the center of the ceiling. The chairs that were aligned on opposite sides of the room were enough to fit hundreds of people and almost all of them were already occupied. The Kosha (where the bride and groom sat) was positioned in the front of the room between the two sides of chairs; was one of the largest and longest Zeina had ever seen. The left side of it had a glamorous backrest that went halfway up the height of the room with patterns and holes in it; scattered across the patterns were tiny silver bows and bright shining crystals. The rest of the Kosha twisted into a large S-shape, stopping only a few feet from the first row of seats.

Dresses of almost every color and design filled the center platform, dancing towards the Kosha and then back in the opposite direction; some stopping in front of family members to dance for a quick minute or two. Zeina made her way to the seats that held the bride’s side of the family and took her place towards the back. She spotted Dalal’s sisters dancing among the crowd and waited patiently for them to glance in her direction so she could say hello.

Two hours later when Zeina had finished saying hello to both sisters and had danced a couple of times with them, she made her way to her seat along with the rest of the crowd as the DJ indicated the entrance of the bride. Minutes later Dalal walked in, followed by her two sisters and began her walk down the aisle. With every step she took her sisters leaned over and adjusted her long train and once she had reached the Kosha her mother, who had been waiting for her there, helped her up the step and seating her down. Close friends and relatives immediately began making their way up to her to congratulate her.

Zeina’s phone vibrated in her hand and a shot of excitement went up her spine as she read Manaf’s message “al7ean bindish” and soon enough the DJ announced that the men were there and told the women to cover up if necessary. Zeina’s heart pounded with excitement, this would be the first time she’d see Manaf since before he left for Ma9er and she felt like she had waited a lifetime; adjusting herself in her sit she tried to lean in the best angle so that she could see past the rows of women. The door slowly opened and the groom walked in followed by several of his and the bride’s closest relatives, among them Manaf. Zeina caught her breath as she stared at him in his Qetra walking down the aisle behind his brother; she had never seen him look so grown up and manly and she felt something inside her tighten around her heart with love.

After the men were done congratulating each other and were done posing for pictures Zeina saw Manaf leave without glancing once at the crowd. Her heart fell with disappointment; she was hoping that he would spot her. After Dalal had danced the bride and groom made their way out of the room and towards the back garden to cut the cake and have dinner. The rest of the women made their way back to the dance floor and resumed dancing. Zeina took her phone and messaged her mother to send the driver, she was getting tired and wasn’t in the mood for dinner. As she waited patiently for her driver to call her Deema, Dalal’s sister, took a seat beside her.

“Ha mestansa?” She asked.

“Ee wayed, Daloool mashallah etyanin!” She replied

“Ee ya7lailha, tara we’re so glad you could make it” she continued. Zeina wanted to reach out and hug her, Dalal and her sisters were some of the nicest people Zeina had ever met. “Enzain sem3ay, Manaf yabi ekalmich he’s upstairs ta3alay ma3ay…” And with that Deema got up with Zeina closely behind. Deema led Zeina up a set of stairs and into a small closed living room where Manaf was sitting on the couch busy texting.

“A7em” Deema playfully cleared her throat, Manaf looked up and his mouth widened into a small gap as he stared at Zeina in awe. Deema laughed quietly, “akhaleekom 3ayal…bes yawailkom etha sakartaw il baab haa!” she joked before closing it herself. Zeina stood by the door blushing; she had never been so exposed in front of a man before, especially a man she was madly in love with.

“Mashallah…” Manaf finally breathed out still looking Zeina over from head to toe. He was now on his feet; the mobile had dropped from his hand back onto the couch. For a few seconds they stood there staring at each other.

“Ahlan…” Zeina whispered looking away and focusing on a pillow next to her, she couldn’t meet Manaf’s piercing gaze anymore. Memories of the first time she saw him came flooding back to her and she remembered the power of his eyes; the very same eyes that still hadn’t removed themselves off of her face and body.

In two swift strides Manaf was standing in front of her putting one hand under her chin and slowly turning her face towards him. “Yala 3ad 6al3eeni” he whispered. Zeina continued avoiding him with his eyes directing them instead downwards but he was standing so close that looking down meant staring at his broad chest that lay close beneath the thin cotton material of his dishdasha. Realizing that Manaf was waiting for her to look up she slowly raised her eyes towards his face and gazed into his black eyes; and they stared expressionlessly back at her.

“Did you have fun?” He asked her not removing his eyes.

“Yes” Zeina replied weakly back

“Ra7 tolheen 3alay lama arid asafer?” He asked a small grin forming on his face.

“Manaaf” Zeina let out a small groan “laish et’thakerni…now ytheeg khelgi” She whined

“Affaa…ana agdar athayeg khilgech? Goleeeli bes, agdar?” He asked

“Ee tegdar, ra7 etsafer wetkhaleeni” she replied

“Enzain wetha reja3t ebsir3a?” He asked in all seriousness, Zeina stared at him for a second trying to understand what he meant.

“Define ebsir3a…” She replied skeptically

“Ya3ni bel ketheer shahrain…”

“Ollaaa…ya3ni shahrain ebsir3a bil nesba lek?” She pulled away from him and took a seat, Manaf immediately took his place beside her.

“La bes 3igub hal shahrain khala9 ag3ad bil kwait ma arja3 Ma9er…” He continued, a smile creeping across his face.

“Ay shay…shlon o derastik?” Zeina asked her voice rising eagerly.

“Akhali9…”

“Shlon?”

“Ma3alaich shlon elmohim arja3 lekwait forever…eshrayech?”

“CHAN ZAIN!” Zeina replied, it sounded almost too good to be true and she was half waiting for Manaf to take it back.

“Will it make you happy?” He asked her, his face was back to being serious

“Akeed it will, eshrayek Manaf?” Zeina realized that his expression had thrown her off, he seemed unsure of whether his presence really made Zeina happy. “Shfeek shaklik mu im9adeg?”

Manaf suddenly became very nervous and he gazed away for a second deep in thought, he opened his mouth to begin speaking before changing his mind and silently stared some more.

“Shfeek tell me?” Zeina asked him, curious to know what was making him act this way.

“Bagoolich shay bes mu 3aref shlon, faj2a I got nervous” He laughed at himself, still not meeting her eyes.

“Gooli, you can tell me anything” She told him gently trying to comfort him. Manaf got up walked towards the other side of the room and took something out from a small chest that sat atop a antique-looking table. Holding it in a way so that Zeina couldn’t make out what it was he slowly made his way back towards her and took his seat next to her.

“I really wanted to talk to you about this before bes Dalal o Deema eqna3ooni that surprising you would be a better idea o el 9ara7a 7adi mit7asef now ina I didn’t talk to you about this lana ….” He began rambling and turning his head to look away.

“Ubay Manaf, ga3d etkhare3ni..just say it, I’m sure it’s not a big deal…” Zeina told him wanting to reach out and pry the thing out of his hands so she could look at it.

“I’m done Zeina.” He finally said, pausing to take in her reaction. Zeina didn’t know what he meant.

“Done with what Manaf?”

“Done with derasti..”

“Oh. Hathy il mofaja2a?” She asked skeptically.

“Ee…” He smiled broadly. Zeina wanted to slap him. This was the surprise he had made her wait so long for?

“Oh…7ayati mabrook” Zeina forced the words out from between her teeth.

“Alah ebarik feech, matadreen how happy I am. Mu lazim arja3 khala9” He beamed at her. Zeina nodded and smiled back as much as she possibly could before glancing at her mobile to see several missed calls from her driver.

“Umm 7ayati, tadri ana 7adi wedi ag3ad ma3ak bes sayeqna ta7at o I can’t be late” She told him, she wanted to get out of the room before she exploded in his face. Could he and Dalal be so tafheen that they called this a “surprise” that was worth coming for?

“Okay 7abeebti” Manaf replied unfazed by her lame excuse. Zeina, feeling slightly upset by him not asking her to stay longer, got up and began wrapping herself with her shawl and heading towards the door. As she twisted the knob open she heard Manaf getting up from his seat, “ta3alay Zayoon baqait as2ilich” He spoke casually from behind her.

“Hala?” She muttered back not wanting to turn around.

“Will you marry me?”

Zeina froze in her place, she didn’t trust her ears, had he really said those words? Slowly she turned around to see a confident and grinning Manaf staring back at her. When she met his gaze he gave her a small wink and began walking towards her, displaying what he had hidden in his palm. A small red velvet box sat there staring back at Zeina who was too speechless to say anything. With two fingers he popped the box open and revealed a diamond ring.

“You have to hide it though, min ahalich, adry mosta7eel ekhaloonich etizawajain wa7d lail7ean bugala course. You don’t mind waiting these two months do you?” He asked leaning in close to her.

“La..I don’t” She finally choked out still staring at the ring, slowly she reached in and took the ring into her hand turning it over. She realized that Manaf was staring at her reading every expression. She put it back in the box and smiling put the box into her clutch.

She stared at Manaf for a long time taking in all his wonderful features, images of the past few months ran through her head and she couldn’t believe how fast the time had gone and how much they had been through. She felt as if she had met him yesterday.

“Thank you” She whispered.

“For the ring? You’re welcome…” He replied a little taken aback by her words.

“No, not for the ring. Thank you, for not breaking my heart”. As Manaf understood what she was trying to say his face turned into a deep frown and raising both hands he took her tiny face into them and held it tightly for a few minutes.

“Ana ma nwait, wela 7atan 7ag la7tha, ini al3ab 3alaich.” And with that he kissed her forehead, before gently letting go of her face. A wave of emotion hit Zeina and she longed to hug him and cry a few tears of joy but controlling herself she told him once again that she had to go, this time meaning it.

“Okay 7abeebti, will you call me gabel la etnameen?” He asked innocently. Not being able to control herself Zeina closed the distance between them and leaned in to kiss him lightly on the cheek. As she pulled back she inhaled his cologne and found herself fighting the urge to lean back in. Manaf’s face blushed slightly causing Zeina to blush with him.

“Thank you 7abeebti” He whispered shyly, and with that Zeina slipped out of the room. Finding Dalal’s sisters she congratulated them one last time and made her way to her waiting car. Once inside she took the ring out and tried it on her finger; a tear of joy rolled down her face as she thought of what was to come.

26: Nostalgia

2009-01-12T07:43:00.000-08:00

7ag all il commenters ili dazeenli rude comments.....moootaw o mu ela tegroon liblog etha mu 3ajebkom my schedule..I don't recall being hired for this job!

O plz don't go to my other blog and tell me to continue the story...I have two separate blogs for a reason!

7ag il baji il 7elween ili you waited so patiently wala a7ebkom o ya36eekom alf 3afia..o sam7ooni lana wala these past two weeks have been hectic! Hope you enjoy the post.

love you ;*

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Chuckling inwardly at Mano’s embarrassing exposure Zeina had spent the entire meal thinking of different scenarios in which she would bump into Mano and laugh in his face or tease him about his lie. As her father ordered the check Zeina glanced at her phone for the time, blinking next to the digital clock on the screen was a tiny mailbox; she hadn’t heard her phone beep. Flipping it open she immediately scanned Manaf’s name in the title. Her heart began thudding as she contemplated what he would say to her; would he tell her he didn’t want to speak to her? Would he tell her that things had gotten so confusing and messed up that it looks like it’s not going to be worth the trouble to keep what they had? Instead of all the things that ran through Zeina’s head, she read four short words:

I miss you wayed.

Zeina’s heart began filling up with emotions as she herself began to long for Manaf and more specifically for the way things used to be between them. She hit the reply button and her fingers took over for her:

“Wala…walah il 3atheem Manaf mu kethri.” She replied, it took him seconds to respond,

“Can I call you?” He asked

“La ana ma3a ahali now. When I get back to the hotel I’ll call” She replied and immediately started nagging to go back.

“Yala mama ta3bana” She whined as her father took his time looking over the check and answering her mother’s annoying questions about the table cloths and the shapes of the spoons on the table. “Earth shattering observations” Zeina thought to herself impatiently.

Finally they got up from the table and began heading back to the hotel, naturally Zeina in the lead. When she had finally thrown on her pajamas she dialed Manaf’s number; to her delight his warm voice picked up on the second ring.

“7abeebti” he told her, acknowledging her before even saying hello.

“9ij? 7abeebtik?” Zeina replied stupidly, immediately wanting to take it back. Manaf chuckled at her alarm.

“Ee shlon mu 9ij” he replied. Zeina noticed that his voice was husky and she realized that she must have woken him up. She beamed to herself, realizing just then how much she had missed that word coming from him.

“Wana?” He asked, taking advantage of her silence.

“Wenta shino?” Zeina replied finding herself beginning to become a bit shy in his presence.

“Ana 7abeebich wela la2?”

“Ee. Akeed you are” Zeina replied, her voice slightly lowering with embarrassment. “Shlon Ma9er?” she attempted to casually change the topic to something less heated.

“Laish omy, ma9er hamitich?” He teased her.

“Madry!” Zeina replied flustered.

“Shfeech metwahga?” He continued to taunt her, his voice becoming more and more teasing by the minute.

“Manafo bes!” Zeina whined, admitting defeat. She was too embarrassed by his forwardness and nervous to keep it up and she knew that she was bound to say something stupid very soon if he didn’t stop.

“Enzain enzain khala9 awagef, ma3ina ma kent ga3d asawii shay!” He replied innocently.

“Of course you weren’t” Zeina smiled.

“Enzain…fe majal nerja3 mithel gabil?” He asked her in a more serious tone. It took Zeina a few seconds to recover from his forwardness and to think about what he was asking. She wanted to go back to the way things were but she also didn’t think that Manaf was going to let the whole Faisal thing go without another explanation. Or was he willing to let everything drop?

“Bes chithee?” She asked him, this time Manaf didn’t reply immediately; the pause grew longer and Zeina began playing with her hair nervously, had she said something wrong?

“Ee.” He finally replied. Zeina exhaled slowly, letting go of her hair and wiping a fearful tear that had formed at the corner of her eye.

“Ok.” She whispered back, her voice slightly choked up, but not enough for Manaf to notice. “Be wait…” Zeina almost shouted remembering something very important.

“Shfeech?” Manaf asked.

Zeina slowly began telling him about Dalal, starting at everything she had heard about them to the last encounter with her when she had shown Zeina the message. Manaf kept quiet for a long time, and Zeina nervously listened to his breathing which had gotten heavier and more violent.

“Sheftay tareekh il message?” He finally asked her. It hit her like a slap in the face; she hadn’t even considered that.

“La2” She said quietly.

“Lana mosta7eel ykoon new message” He told her, his voice remained calm and she couldn’t tell what he was thinking or feeling.

“Okay” Zeina replied deciding to let it go, unless he had anything else to add. He didn’t.

After a few seconds of silence he spoke; “3ayal solfeeli 3an your break are you having fun?” Manaf asked her, his tone getting much softer and friendlier. Zeina began telling him about Italy and everything she had done, careful to leave the lovely Mano out of the conversation. After about an hour of talking Zeina excused herself to go to sleep; “adezlich message awal ma agoom min il noom” Manaf promised her as they got of the phone.

That night Zeina slept more peacefully than any night in the past few weeks and she knew it was because things between her and Manaf were finally back to normal.

---

The next morning when she awoke she found a message from Manaf just like he had promised her:

“9aba7 el khair yal 7elwa….9arli fatra 6weela an6er el yoom ili ared a9abe7 3alaich feeh”

Zeina reread the message a dozen times not believing the effect it had on her every single time; as a large smile formed across her face she knew it would last all day from that short message.

“9aba7 el noor yali a7la min el 7ilo!” She texted back, she knew it was gushy and ridiculous but she and Manaf deserved a few days of extreme maleqeen-in-love style messages after what they had been through. Manaf texted her for the next hour as she took a shower and got dressed to go out with her parents again. When she was finished she realized that her parents still had a long way to go before they’d be ready for lunch and so she took it as an opportunity to do some more shopping and talk to Manaf on the phone.

Their conversations remained on light topics as Manaf told her about how after meeting with his advisor and clearing up all his paper work and such he had found out that if he took an extra few classes he’d be done by the next semester.

“Shino your favorite color?” Zeina asked Manaf casually, when he had finished telling her about his derasa.

“hmmm…abyath” He told her

“Maliki” Zeina muttered to herself going through the racks of designer men shirts and sweaters.

“Laish?” He asked.

“La bes as2al” she replied innocently already picking up a few white colored articles of clothing.

Manaf brushed it off and continued talking about other random things, from soccer to Kuwaiti politics.

“Enzain Manafo meta bashoofik” Zeina whined pouting slightly as she paid for the clothes she had picked up for him, realizing she wouldn’t be able to see him in them when she got back to Kuwait.

Manaf thought for a second before realizing when he’d be back to Kuwait “3ers ikhoy!” He said shocked that he had forgotten.

“9ij? Meta 3ers ekhook?” Zeina prayed silently that it would be soon.

“Ba3ad shahar” He replied. Zeina’s smile turned into a pout again as she realized that he wasn’t going to say next week, as ridiculous as that seemed she wished it was possible.

“Enzain.” Zeina replied showing the sadness in her voice

“Waaih shfeeha Zayoon ba3ad?” Manaf asked.

“Tabeek etyey next week mu next month” she told him

“Entay a9lan betkooneen bel kwait next week?” He asked her

“La2.” She replied laughing

“7elwa minich 3ayal” He laughed with her.

A beeping interrupted their conversation as Zeina’s father’s name flashed across the screen.

“Manaf 7abeebi I have to go, iboy ga3d edig 3alay”

“Okay 3omri, deeray balich 3ala nafsich o I’ll message you later” He told her before getting off the phone.

Zeina answered her father and told him she’d come to the hotel immediately so that they could go out for lunch. When she got there Zeina quickly headed to her room to put away Manaf’s new clothes and made her way back down to meet her parents.

The rest of the trip in Italy flew by with every minute spent either at fancy restaurants, boutiques, or at the hotel talking to Manaf until the long hours of the night and before Zeina knew it she was walking through the airport in Kuwait.

She watched the screen of her phone brighten up as it came to life and she waited patiently for a list of the missed calls. She smiled to herself as she saw Manaf’s number in the Missed Call list with the number 3 next to it. She was also happy to see Sara’s number. Finally both of them were in Kuwait and would get to see each other after what Zeina would consider one of her longest summers ever. She called Sara back and excitedly invited her over for dinner.

---

“Tell me EVERYTHING!” Sara stated in all seriousness as she pulled the covers they had brought to the living room around her body. Zeina and Sara were in their pj’s and were having one of their usual slumber parties; around them were bags of chips, an assortment of chocolate bars, and a bowl of popcorn, There’s Something About Mary was muted in the background.

Zeina considered for a second how much she would like to tell Sara and deciding to keep the latest events with Manaf a secret still she told her about Faisal and her trip to Italy trying her best to make sure she didn’t slip up and mention anything to do with Manaf. After she was done, Zeina listened intently to Sara’s summer and by the time the sun began to rise they were both passed out on the couch.

They didn’t wake up until late into the afternoon and only because of Zeina’s mother’s ranting “laish ma nemtaw bil daar, mu zainlikom!” she muttered trying to push Zeina further back onto the couch so that she didn’t fall off.

“Hmpfff” Sara muttered looking up from under the covers “waini?” she squinted up at Zeina’s mother.

“La o hathy etgool waini ba3ad!” Zeina’s mother complained walking away without answering Sara. Sitting up Sara began nudging Zeina with her foot “goomay goomay” she whined.

“Haa shfeech?” Zeina muttered getting up. Both of them looked around at the junk food that covered the tables and other couch and then back at each other.

“wai3 thahrii” Zeina whined getting up and throwing the covers off of her. Sara got up and followed Zeina upstairs to the bathroom to wash up. When they made their way back downstairs, washed up and dressed they found to their relief that the living room had already been cleaned up.

“Adry ina we ate a lot last night and we shouldn’t be hungry for a year…bes yo3ana” Sara sighed looking around for leftover junk food.

“Tabeen ne6la3?” Zeina asked her looking for her mobile under the couch finally finding it next to Sara’s.

“Ee yala aby Johnny rockets pancakes!”

“Alah yzeed il ni3ma” Zeina muttered checking her phone, there were two missed calls from Manaf and one from Dalal. There was also a message, quickly flipping through to the inbox she saw Manaf’s name.

“Tara Dalal ebta3zimich 3ers ekhooy…O aby ashoofich ihnak. I have a surprise for you.”

Zeina told Sara to go outside and start her car while she went to talk to her mother and as soon as Sara left she quickly called Dalal.

After accepting her generous invitation to her wedding Dalal ended the conversation on a teasing tone, “3ad mu takshiteen…ra7 eta7asifain lana sam3a ina be9eer shay wayed 7elo etha you came!”

“Sheno??” Zeina asked the curiosity almost killing her.

“Ta3alay o ra7 etshofeen” And with that Dalal hung up.

2009-01-03T05:54:00.000-08:00

To all the confused readers: Mano is Sulaimano...Kuwaiti bes apparently he speaks Italian. Zeina doesn't know his whole story yet and he hasn't told her.

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Zeina awoke to her mobile’s loud beep, she reached her arm out as far as possible trying to retrieve it. It was a message from Manaf; she had been so distracted last night with her dinner and so tired from the plane ride that upon arriving at the hotel, she had crashed without remembering to text Manaf back.

“Aloo, wainich?” The message read. Zeina clicked on the reply icon and began moving her fingers slowly across the buttons;

“Kani…shlonik?”

“Zain..u?”

“Good.”

“Ana ib ma9er.” He texted

“Ok.”

Zeina waited a few minutes for Manaf to reply but he didn’t, she contemplated asking about his trip but wasn’t in the mood to pretend to even care, instead she found the phonebook and looked up his number pressing Call when she found it.

“Hala…” he answered on the second ring.

“Hala feek…” she replied, an awkward silence followed and for a second Zeina wasn’t sure who was more mad at the other and who had more right to be so.

“Zain fakartay etdigeen 3alay” He snapped. Okay so he wins, Zeina thought to herself, in her anger over his unexpected trip to Dubai and Dalal’s message she had forgotten that she was the one who had disappeared for two weeks with no warning or explanation.

“Why do you think I stopped answering your calls?” Zeina asked warily, buying time…she still hadn’t decided whether it was best to tell Manaf about Faisal, although even if she did decide to tell him she would probably end up crying at the mention of his name which wouldn’t help their case at all.

“Eshdarani 3anich…entay goleeli laish” His voice wasn’t getting any kinder. Zeina paused for a bit trying to think of what to reply to his question.

“Manaf if I had a really good reason for what happened bes ma gedart agoolikiyaha o I just needed you to trust me o I promised you ina kelshay min ba3d elyoom ib yerja3 mithel gabil would you accept it?” She asked him, thinking on the spot. She immediately regretted what she said, it sounded lame and stupid and nobody would buy it, but she had nothing else to say to him. It was at that very second that she had decided she couldn’t tell Manaf about Faisal, not because she didn’t want to hurt Manaf’s feelings or cause awkwardness, but because she couldn’t utter his name ever again and she couldn’t bring herself to talk about what had happened to him at all.

“No.” Manaf’s firm word brought her back to reality for a second. “Goleeli to my face inich reja3teela o hawantay 3igub two weeks o akheeran now daraitay inich tabeeni ana” his voice grew louder and more threatening as he revealed to Zeina for the first time how he had understood the two weeks to mean.

“La kelish ma kan chithee” Zeina gasped shocked at the idea Manaf had become so convinced of.

“3ayal?” He snapped back. Zeina was at a loss for words and before she could help it the confession she had been convinced could never leave her lips tumbled out of her.

“Manaf ma reja3tla. He died.”

The silence that followed those two words burned through Zeina as she tried her best not to imagine Faisal returning from his day at the office. Faisal thinking about her and their upcoming life together convinced he would have Zeina all to himself very soon; him glancing at his phone wondering when he’d see her name on his screen again. And, most painfully, Faisal not knowing that when Zeina would finally call him it was to end things between them forever. She tried not to picture the car swerving out of control on the wet streets eventually crashing into a traffic light which crushed the car almost to an unrecognizable state. She tried not to hear the screams of Faisal’s mother and sisters as the call came to them from his office, informing them of his tragic death.

“3atham allah ajrech” Manaf finally spoke up but by then Zeina had nothing more to say; choking back a sob she excused herself promising to call him tomorrow and got off the phone. She threw it across the room, this was the mobile she had practiced her break up message on, saving it in her Drafts and waiting for the perfect time to send it to Faisal. This was the phone she didn’t want to look at ever again.

------

Zeina didn’t know how long it had taken her to cry herself to sleep but when she woke up she felt rested and refreshed. She rolled out of bed easily and pulled open the curtains to reveal the view of a garden filled with pedestrians; the weather looked sunny and hot and she couldn’t wait to be out in it. Quickly running to the bathroom she washed up and shoved open her suitcase picking out a pair of pink Juicy track suit shorts and matching it with a white t-shirt, she slipped on white flip flops, tied her hair in a loose knot, and gathered her things before leaving the hotel room.

As she began making her way down the corridor she pulled out her mobile and called her father who didn’t pick up; she then speedily texted him: Baba 9aba7 el khair, ana ga3adt imbacher o 6ala3t…mara7 aroo7 b3eed call me lama teg3idoon” And with that she shoved it into her bag and almost skipped out of the hotel, giving the doorman the brightest smile she could on her way out.

She found herself a Taxi and got into the backseat explaining to him that she wanted to buy a new phone and if he knew any Nokia or Sony Ericsson stores. Her emotional attachment to this particular phone would grow the more time she hung on to it and she needed to avoid checking through her inbox to see the old messages Faisal had sent her. She also didn’t have the heart to delete them. The taxi driver knew exactly what she needed and began weaving his way down a street filled with small shops and boutiques on each side. He let Zeina out with a warm goodbye and signaled her towards a small store that had a big Nokia sign on top of it. She nodded thanking him and made her way inside the store. It didn’t take Zeina long to pick out a new phone and with the bag hanging from her arm she made her way through the boutiques around it. She entered the first bakery she saw, dizzied immediately by the smell of fresh bread and coffee, and asked for juice. As she made her way down the second side of the street, her heart began expanding with joy. She wanted to be here forever, and not go back to crying over Faisal or caring about whether Manaf was going to dump her or not.

As she left her fifth store, she began feeling the burden of all the bags she was carrying. Zeina was not one to control herself when on a shopping spree and knew that if she didn’t head back to the hotel to drop off the bags there’d be no way she could buy anything else soon. Taking a seat on a nearby bench, Zeina placed all her bags between her legs and took out her phone to check for messages. Her parents still hadn’t called but she wasn’t surprised, her parents always slept in on vacations, preferring an early lunch than breakfast.

Just as she was flipping her phone shut, something in the corner of Zeina’s eye caught her attention. It was someone staring directly at her from across the street. Mano. He stood motionless, facing her, and had both hands in his pockets. He wore black training pants and a grey sweater on top and looked as if he hadn’t slept at all last night. After they both gazed at each other for several seconds he slowly pulled out one of his hands and raised it in a wave; Zeina awkwardly waved back; she immediately lowered her head though as she realized that he had started making his way across the street towards her.

“Bonjourno” he smiled when he was finally in front of her.

“Hey…” She smiled back looking up and shielding her eyes with her hand. The sun was piercing and she was beginning to feel the effect of it all.

“Is there anything left in the stores?” He asked jokingly, pointing at the bags around her.

“Well yes…but only because I can’t carry anymore bags. Wait till I drop these off at the hotel and come back for round two” she teased back. Mano let out a laugh that exposed a childlike side of him Zeina had not expected. His entire head tilted back and his eyes squinted shut as he roared with laughter.

“Where are you headed to next?” He asked her

“The X-Hotel, I was going to get a cab”

“Why not walk?”

“Umm…well yeah I can walk I guess..” Zeina replied awkwardly, not knowing what else to say, she really wanted to take a cab.

“Well then can I walk with you?”

OH! Zeina mentally smacked herself.

“Sure..” She smiled. She loved the fact that he had no idea she was Kuwaiti and thought he had her fooled. As she got up from the bench and walked towards him she reminded herself not to slip up and say anything in Arabic or tell him that she was Kuwaiti. For this trip she was a foreigner and she was going to play dumb and pretend she had no idea he was Kuwaiti.

Mano politely took the bags she was carrying out of her hands and let her take a few steps ahead of him; “I have no idea where the hotel is by the way” Zeina laughed turning to face him.

“No problem, it’s just straight ahead, keep walking”, Mano placed a light hand on the bottom of her back to direct her forward; Zeina pushed a strand of hair behind her ear, the loose ponytail her hair was pulled back in was messily falling out of place and finally deciding to let it loose she raised a single hand and pulled the hair tie back letting waves of her long hair cascade around her shoulders and down her back. She adjusted what she could of it with her fingers and turned to face Mano, who hadn’t removed his eyes off of her.

“So tell me about yourself Mano…” Zeina faced him, he regained himself, turning away for a second then met her gaze again.

“Well, I’m Italian. I work, have been working for several years now…”

“What do you work as?” Zeina interrupted him, she was always curious as to what peoples’ jobs were, she didn’t mind sitting and talking for hours about a person’s job, and found small details like what they did day by day to be fascinating.

“Well, my family owns a few businesses so I help out in managing them” He smiled, Zeina could tell he was very proud with this answer, she could also tell that this was a typical Kuwaiti male response.

“What about you?” He asked her. Zeina tried, with as little detail as possible, to tell him about being in University and what her life was like.

For the next twenty minutes Mano told Zeina things about him, things that were too good to be true in Zeina’s opinion. He lived in a large house with his extended family, his mother had passed away three years ago, and he drove a Ferrari which he had bought with his own money. Zeina couldn’t help but feel that he was trying to pick her up, and what better bait than a western tourist? She was aware that many Khaleeji guys tried these tricks on women when on vacation and she couldn’t help but be glad when the large sign of the hotel loomed into view up ahead.

“Thank you so much” She told him politely, quickly pulling the bags out of his hands.

“I had a nice time..” He began telling her, standing awkwardly, waiting for her to hint to him what would happen next, but when Zeina refused to speak or move Mano was forced to make the next move. “I was wondering maybe if you wanted to hang out sometime. You could give me a call I’ll show you around”

This was exactly what Zeina was expecting and was hoping to avoid, she put on the most courteous face she could as she began letting him down easily “I’m sorry Mano, I’m only here for two more days, and I’ll be spending most of those days with my family. It was really nice meeting you though” She flashed him a quick smile, and with a small wave she headed into the hotel, leaving Mano with his crushed expression outside. Zeina had lied to him, she wasn’t leaving in two days and she wasn’t planning on spending too much time with her family on this trip. Pushing him to the back of her head she headed to her room, throwing the bags on the floor and crashing on the bed when she was finally inside.

She picked up the phone and dialed Manaf’s number, feeling she could finally face him after what had happened last night. Manaf didn’t reply and so Zeina decided to send him a nice message in case he was still upset over last night and was ignoring her: “Sorry 3ala ams…please degli awal matshoof el msg” She texted.

Less than an hour later she joined her finally awake parents at the lobby and they headed out to sight see and shop. Zeina played with her new cell phone during the entire lunch meal trying to understand how it worked. After lunch they shopped a little more before Zeina’s dad insisted that he needed to nap if he was going to make it to dinner alive and so all three of them headed back to the hotel. The two hours that Zeina’s dad took to sleep were spent at the Spa with her Zeina’s mother getting facials and a massage. Finally, Zeina’s mother’s cell phone ranging telling them that her father was finally awake and that it was time for round three of shopping.

------

By the time they made it to the restaurant for dinner everyone was exhausted; it was ten o’clock and Zeina was already picturing her comfortable hotel bed with longing. The restaurant was a nice little one on a corner with tables outside and inside. Zeina’s father had picked one outside since the weather had turned quite breezy and was too great to waste by sitting indoors.

“Sheno ebta6libeen?” Zeina’s mother asked her as they looked over the menu; everything looked delicious to Zeina, but as she went through the menu a second time she began to focus on the different pastas available. She had room for two main dishes and dessert from all the walking and decided to go with the heaviest, cheesiest pasta they had.

Zeina began flipping through the dessert section as she overhead her father call the waiter and begin to list their orders.

“And your drinks, Sir?” Asked the waiter, and Zeina, not being able to help recognizing the voice, looked up from the menu.

There, in a waiters’ uniform, stood Mano, notepad and pen in hand, shocked and embarrassed features on his face. Zeina tried not to choke with shock as a coughing fit hit her that second.

“Bsmilla 3alaich shfeech” Her mother asked panicking, slapping her on the back lightly. “Water…quickly” She told Mano with a wave of her hand and to both their relief, Mano disappeared from the table. The rest of the night a different waiter waited on them but Zeina couldn’t help spotting Mano walking by every once in a while with a tray in his hand.

24: Italia

2008-12-30T06:38:00.000-08:00

Awal shay sorry I haven't posted in a while, bes I'm the kind of person who can only write when I really feel inspired o hal cham yoom 9ayra 7ail BLAH fa mabi akhareb il story by writing something crappy just for the sake of writing. O ba3dain elyoom legait nafsii inspired with a new idea, fa it's a huge TWIST out of the original plot bes stick with it, i'm not planning on going tooo OFF-TOPIC.

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Zeina threw herself onto the couch beside her mother letting out a loud huff.

“Eshfeech ba3ad? 9arlich yomain mu 3ala ba3thich” her mother spoke to her without removing her gaze from the television. This was the third day and Manaf still hadn’t called her back, she had left him two texts and a missed call and wasn’t planning on trying again anytime soon. She knew she had to explain what had happened these two weeks but she couldn’t bring herself to say it.

“Manaf, the love of my life died..” Those were words no man wanted to hear from the woman he loved, especially one who had been hurt badly in the past by another woman. There was also the issue of Dalal and what was going on between them that needed clearing up; if only he’d pick up!

“Youma malait madry shfeeni karha il dinya”

“Weeh ya7afeth yanaitay…7emday rabich bes…” her mother began lecturing. “…o ba3dain laish ma safartay?”

“CHAN ZAIN!” Zeina whined remembering the fact that she hadn’t made any plans thinking that chilling in Kuwait would have been much better. “Ana adry ina 9aifi be9eer chithee?”

Zeina’s mother shot her a glance, trying to figure out if Zeina was referring to what had happened to Faisal or not. Her mother was more than relieved to see her daughter back up on her feet and smiling and was worried that if she didn’t keep her distracted at all times that she might fall back into depression.

“Tabeen etsafreen ya3ni?” Her mother finally asked. As much as Zeina had complained about the boredom she hadn’t actually considered a place to travel to. She began thinking it over, why not? It’s not like she had anything to look forward to now that Manaf wasn’t coming back and Sara was still far away vacationing.

“Negdar? Mata2akhrna wayed?” Zeina asked referring to the bookings and flight plans that needed to be done.

“Etha legaina laish la2, bes intay tabeen? Mu etro7een mukan 7ag esboo3 wetgooleenli malait mithel akher mara ib London” Zeina’s mother threatened her tone changing slightly. Zeina remembered their last trip to London, not being a great fan of travelling Zeina always ended up locking herself in the hotel and complaining about how many days were left before they were supposed to go back to Kuwait. But that was always because she had much more going on for her in Kuwait and she was always dying to go back; but this time she experienced just the opposite. She was dying to leave.

“La hal mara wala ma asawii salfa…bes enroo7 ana weyach o baba?” Zeina asked referring to the fact that everyone else had travelled leaving her and her parents alone in the house.

“Hatha etha yabee esafer ma3ana..” Her mother replied, Zeina’s father was busy with work and didn’t always make it on their trips with them which angered Zeina’s mother at times.

“Enzain wain enroo7?”

“Madry, khalatich ib London tabeen nel7ag’hom?” Her mother suggested. Summer in London? With all the Kuwaitis?

“Hmm…” trying her best not to sound like she didn’t like the idea Zeina tried suggesting another place “…mafee amaken a7la?”

“3indich Aspanya bes mafe a7ad ihnaak en3arfa o el 9ara7a ana etha basafer abi il yam3a …ee ana agoolich sharm el sheikh!” Her mother’s face brightened with the idea. Zeina could list a few of her relatives that were already vacationing there as well as a thousand other Kuwaitis, especially the single-male variety. Zeina needed to stay as far away from Kuwaiti boys as possible.

“La mabi sharm…” and then it hit her and a wave of excitement jolted through her spine “youma I6ALYA!”

Her mother began thinking for a few seconds, “khal akalem ibooch wenshoof, mu akeed enzain la testansain wayed yemkin manelga 7joozat!” And with that her mother turned away towards the television.

Zeina bounced up and skipped to her room, picking up a small bowl of grapes on the way. She began munching on them as she Googled locations in Italy. She had been there a few times before but only when she was much younger and so she didn’t remember much of her trips; she would love to go again now at an age where she could better appreciate the country.

ELEVEN DAYS LATER

Zeina’s large suitcase lay open and flowing on top of her bed. She had stuffed almost everything she had in her closest into the first suitcase and was using the second one for the leftovers. Her mother walked back and forth between her room and Zeina’s picking up things she needed and giving Zeina others to put in her bag.

“Nagaitay sheno ibtalbeseen 7ag el ma6ar?” She asked her daughter. Without replying Zeina pointed at one of the few remaining outfits in her closet, it was a pair of white pants and a turquoise sleeveless top, Zeina would cover herself with a light cardigan until she got to Rome. “Enzain yala ebsir3a ibooch bewadee lejna6 o yasbigna el ma6ar”..To Zeina’s mother’s delight her husband has agreed to join them on the trip. Zipping up her bag she began dragging it off of the bed and shoving it barely outside her door before slamming it shut. She hurried to get into the shower; she was always known as being the one to delay her family when it came to elsifar o she didn’t want this time to be like the rest.

Finishing up from the shower she hurriedly plugged in the hair dryer and began running her fingers through her hair. Twenty-two record breaking minutes later Zeina was completely ready and skipping, like she had been doing since she heard the news of her trip, down the stairs.

“Khala9tay 7abeebti?” Zeina’s mother asked in between giving the maids and driver directions for when they were away. “Gefaltay ghorfitich?” she reminded her when she had finished. Zeina opened her palm to reveal her room key, her mother took it and put it into a small chest under the television.

-------

“Please fasten your seatbelts we will be landing shortly. The current time in Rome is 5 in the afternoon, the current temperature is 44 degrees Fahrenheit we hope you enjoyed your flight and look forward to having you again soon.”

Zeina’s stomach began doing flips as she fastened her seatbelt, her father sitting next to her beamed and leaned in to kiss her head, “men ziman ma sheftich chithee mestansa” he laughed at his daughter who was practically bouncing giddily in her seat. When the plane had finally stopped moving and many of the passengers were taking off their seatbelts and standing up Zeina removed hers and jumped up hitting the seat in front of her and falling back into hers. Her dad chuckled and took her hand “ge3day ge3day taw enas” he mused slowly unfastening his seatbelt and waking Zeina’s mother up, who had slept through most of the 5 hour journey. Zeina slipped off her cardigan and stuffed into her gray cross-over LV bag. She pushed her way through the aisle leading the way as her mother and father followed her out of the plane. Once outside the airport she inhaled deeply shutting her eyes and taking in her first few breaths of changed air. She vowed to forget everything that had caused her pain or sadness in the past month or so while in Italy. Manaf and Faisal didn’t exist here.

As they got out of the cab and made their way inside the hotel Zeina linked her arm into her mother’s smiling broadly and looking around at the guests. She tried to spot any Kuwaitis but hard as she could they all looked like foreigners. “Youma baroo7 ag3ad an6erkom” Zeina said glancing over at a sofa in the center of the lobby; her mother followed her father to the counter and stood in line to check in.

The black leather sofa felt good against Zeina’s bare shoulders and back as she sunk deep into them; her hand itched her to check her mobile for messages but she fought the urge. This wasn’t Kuwait, she wasn’t going to sit and wait for Manaf to decide if he was going to message or not.

“Ciao” A voice spoke to her from behind, she twisted her neck to look at the person who owned the voice and there behind her stood a man that would knock any girl off of her feet. His white t-shirt over his knee length shorts rippled over his firm but not so muscled chest. His hair, slightly longer than she was used to on men was pulled back with a rubber band-like thing that she had seen often on European soccer players.

“Hi..” Zeina let out a small shy smile as she tried to adjust her hair, she knew that it couldn’t look too good after the flight. The man made his way around the leather sofa and stood in front of her hands in pockets; he was completely shaven revealing an extremely tanned face.

“You speak English?” He asked

“Yeah…I do” Zeina replied her American accent perfected from years of attending private American schools.

“Mano..” He smiled extending his arm to shake hers; his hand was large and enveloped hers nicely. He continued to look down at her and smile.

Just as Zeina began to say her name another Italian man joined them and began speaking loudly and quickly to Mano, who replied just as loudly back.

“I’m sorry, I have to go…you’re staying here?”

“Yeah” Zeina replied

“Good, maybe I’ll see you again” He smiled and with that he turned his back to her and followed his friend out, shouting at each other in the process. Zeina remembered the stereotype of how all Italians spoke as if they were yelling and laughed to herself. Zeina spotted her mother waving her over just then and she made her way to them, her father handed her the key to her room and directed the bell boy to follow her with her luggage.

“Enshoofich ba3ad ni9 sa3a enroo7 enta3asha” he told her and made his way with her mother in the opposite direction. Zeina smiled at the bell boy and handing him the key slowly followed him to the elevator and towards her room. Not being able to hold herself any longer she stuck her hand into her bag and took out her mobile, her heart began racing as she saw the icon of a new a message, but to her limited disappointment it was from Sara. She texted back telling her that she had arrived safely and that she had just seen the cutest Italian boy. Sara immediately recommended a fling which Zeina sighed at “kelish mu nag9a” she told herself. It seemed that Manaf was fling enough for this summer, and for the next three to come a9lan.

Once inside the hotel she sat down on the corner of her bed and flipped the TV on; hotel rooms always gave her a rush. She associated them with romantic getaways with mysterious men who after an eventful day and romantic night would always lead her to the hotel room where they’d enter an entirely different world. It always felt like the things that happened in hotel rooms in foreign countries could be erased whenever the person came back home; even though Zeina knew that wasn’t always the case, yet she clung to the idea.

Running a comb through her hair she tied it up, it was hot and humid outside and she wanted to be as comfortable as possible. She quickly pulled her top over her head and threw it onto her bed before unzipping one of her two suitcases open and rummaging through it for a pink Junk-Food t-shirt. She slipped it over her head and grabbed her bag taking out her mobile and texting her mother; “khala9t ..wain alageekom?” Less than a minute later she received a text from her father, “ne6reena bil lobby 5 minutes”

She grabbed the hotel key and threw it into her bag before making her way downstairs. Deciding to ignore her dad about waiting in the lobby she headed outside the hotel, the doorman greeting her with a polite nod as he opened the door for her. Outside the hot breeze hit her and wove its way around her neck and through her hair. Across the street a small coffee shop filled with people and Italian music caught Zeina’s attention, she leaned on a railing and stared at the occupants, table by table. Finally her eyes rested on a table of young men, each one handsomer than the first, until finally she made out of the face of the last one to be Mano’s. Maybe just maybe a fling is just what she needed, she thought naughtily to herself. She could vaguely hear them conversing in Italian, loudly in fact for her to be able to hear them all the way from across the street.

Suddenly a beep from her mobile distracted her from her thoughts, assuming it was from her father she opened it not removing her eyes from Mano’s table.

“Hi” she glanced over the two letters in the message; this couldn’t be from her dad. Glancing up at the name her heart gave a little jump, it was Manaf. Finally.

Relief washed over her as she glanced over his name for the millionth time, she clicked on the reply button and began typing “hala..” before immediately erasing the message. She’d make him wait a little, she didn’t want to seem too eager, especially since he hadn’t been too eager to reply to her. In fact, he’s probably in Ma9er, bored and lonely and now he thinks of me, she thought to herself. Her phone rang in her hand and she picked it up to her father’s inquiries, “wainich?”

“Bara 3ind il bab” she replied, her father hung up and less than thirty seconds later he and her mother joined Zeina outside.

“Yala wain taboon nakel?” He asked the two women asking the doorman for a cab. Zeina glanced one more time at Mano’s table only to see to her disappointment that they had left. The taxi cab stopped in front of them and Zeina’s dad got into the front seat, opening the back door for her and her mother first. As her mother got into the cab Zeina picked up on someone speaking in a Kuwaiti dialect behind her, glancing behind her she noticed two Kuwaiti guys talking to each other while walking towards the entrance of the same hotel Zeina was staying in.

“Slaimano…” One of them shouted at someone behind Zeina, she glanced in the other direction to see who they were speaking to, the only two people that were coming in their direction were Mano and the friend who had dragged him away from Zeina when they had met in the lobby. Mano met up with the two Kuwaiti guys and kissed them once on the cheek just like Kuwaiti guys did back home, “shabab hatha weld khalty Giovanni” he said pointing to the man next to him before turning to him and rambling a bit in Italian. Giovanni leaned in and shook their hands.

“Zeina…yala!” Her father’s voice shook her and she stumbled into the cab.

“Eshga3da et6al3een?” Her mother asked leaning back.

“Nothing..”

23: Two Weeks Later

2008-12-22T16:14:00.000-08:00

This post is dedicated to 6alal ... happy birthday ;p

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It had been two weeks since the funeral and Zeina had spent a cumulative of two hours outside her bedroom. On the day of her final exam, having not picked up a book or attended a class since, she made her way to the classroom, tried her best to answer the questions, and then hurried back to her car before Manaf could look for her around campus. She hadn’t answered any of Manaf’s calls or messages during those two weeks and couldn’t bring herself to call him yet.

Her days were spent in bed barely moving, she would only eat when her mother brought food up to her room and force-fed her. Whenever Zeina felt like night had fallen she’d reach into her drawer and pull out the box of Panadol Night…taking two she waited for the drowsiness to come and make her forget the pain. She had stuffed Faisal’s sweater and his pictures in the back of her closet not knowing when she’d be able to look at them again without breaking down.

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As the effect of what seemed to be the hundredth sleeping pill Zeina had taken began to wear off she sat up in bed. This was the first morning since the incident that Zeina had thought of her phone and so she began looking for it. Not remembering what drawer she had stuffed it into she began rummaging through them all one by one. Finally she found it between a bunch of socks in her third drawer, pulling it out she found it to be lifeless, she hadn’t bothered charging it over the past two weeks. As she attached it to its charger and waited for it to switch on Zeina made her way to the bathroom to wash up. The pain she had been feeling lulled today and formed into a relaxing numbness and when Faisal popped into her head she suddenly felt no wetness on her cheeks realizing that maybe her tears had dried out by now.

When she picked up her phone she found the usual missed call from Manaf who had routinely called her once in the morning and once at night every single day since he left her the day of Dalal’s barbecue. Zeina had never picked up during any of his attempts but that didn’t seem to stop him from persisting. Nervous she found his name on the list and called him.

“Aloo” he replied after several rings, his voice was groggy, obviously filled with sleep. It was then that Zeina realized she had no idea what time it was; glancing quickly at the screen it hit her that the sun hadn’t come out yet. Zeina realized it was 4 am.

“Aloo, sorry ga3adtik?” She whispered guiltily.

“Zeina? Shfeech? Feech shay?” Manaf asked panicking, she could hear him sit up in bed and a click of a lamp made its way through the phone speaker.

“La mafeeni shay, I’m so sorry ini 7agartik..” she began.

He kept quiet for a few seconds before replying, “it’s okay…esh9ar feech?”

“Ma 9ar shay…I’ve been in bed.” She replied looking around her room. It looked like it hadn’t been cleaned in weeks, which it probably hadn’t since Zeina hadn’t given the maids a chance to come in. The only person who dared enter was her mother who even after a while had stopped trying to get Zeina out of bed and had instead just left plates of food on her bedside table.

“Aha…wal7ean you’re…better?” He asked her, trying to choose his last word correctly.

“A bit, ee…I’ve uhh…missed you.”

“3ayal ana shagool…mate9awarain how worried I’ve been” he told her.

“wala jad asfa…it’s just been rough o taby il 9ij I don’t want to talk about it. Solifli how have you been?”

“Wala Zayoon I’m good, listen 7abeebti ana ma agdar a6awel…ana mu bil kwait tara…” He let the words out slowly.

“Wainik” Zeina asked shocked

“Dubai..emsafer weya il rabi3…I’ve been trying to reach you to tell you bes maradaitay…”

“Ah okay..sorry..meta ibtirja3?” She asked him a bit disappointed.

“Mani raje3..bag3ad ihnee shwaya then baroo7 seeda ma9er…I’m sorry”

Zeina’s disappointment increased massively as she understood that she wouldn’t be seeing Manaf anytime soon. Suddenly waves of sadness engulfed her as the urge to cry became so powerful she had to get off the phone.

“Enzain akhaleek 3ayal…” she barely choked out.

“Okay…bye”

And without giving her a time to call back or telling her when he’d next talk to her Manaf hung up. Zeina badly wanted to crawl back into the hole she had been in the past few weeks but instead decided to head downstairs.

“Ma a9aadeg!” her mother shouted gleefully as she saw Zeina coming down the stairs; Zeina let out a small smile and hugged her mother warmly. Her mother immediately dragged her to the dining room table and sat her down beginning to fill a plate up for her. Zeina dug in, realizing just then how hungry she really was….her mother didn’t leave her side staring intently at her every bite.

“Tabeen ne6la3?” She asked her, hovering, as she followed Zeina to the living room. Not wanting to ruin her mother’s lovely mood she agreed.

“Wain ma tabeen mama” she smiled when she saw her mother’s face light up.

“Khala9 ana badeg 3ala wa7da min refeejati mayta tabi te6la3 9arlaha fatra, ne6la3 kelina gahwa eshrayech…”

Zeina agreed and began flipping through the channels, her mood getting better with every minute.

A few hours of reruns later Zeina’s mother informed Zeina it was time to get ready for afternoon tea; without asking any questions she made her way upstairs and got dressed in as simple an outfit as she could. Jeans and a black top with black sandals; she went light on the makeup and pulled her hair into a messy bun.

“Shaklich eyaaanin” her mother gushed as she made her way downstairs again; Zeina knew her mother was trying to keep her in as good a mood as possible so that she would avoid shutting herself back into her room again. “entay etsogeen?” Her mother asked her; whenever Zeina had gone out with her mother in the past that specific question had not been necessary because Zeina always drove, but in light of the recent events Zeina’s mother wasn’t sure just how much Zeina was up for.

Smiling at her mother’s increased concern she nodded, “6ab3an youma…I always drive”

“Ee madry gelt yemkin elyoom malich khelg” she replied smiling and getting into the passenger’s seat.

“Wain aroo7?” Zeina asked pulling out of the driveway.

“Avenues…” Her mother replied taking out her ringing phone, “..hala Um Jassem, hala wala..eee e7na 6ala3na al7ean bel darb…yala khosh akalmich lai we9alna”.

It was at this point that Zeina’s heart flipped for the first time that day; nausea overtook her, and she fought the urge to scream with rage. Just her luck, the day she finally pulls herself out of bed and decides to get some fresh it, it had to be shared with Um Jassem, and without a doubt her nosy daughter who wouldn’t pass of an opportunity to piss Zeina off.

“Dalal betkoon mawjood?” Zeina asked through clenched teeth.

Her mother didn’t pick up on her tone and instead answered cheerfully “ee 7abeebti…” Zeina knew that her mother thought she was doing her a favor by inviting Dalal along and she hadn’t gotten around to telling her that she disliked Dalal; but even if she had wanted to she couldn’t tell her it was because of Manaf since her mother still had no idea what was going on between them.

Zeina’s mother controlled the conversation for the rest of the ride obviously trying to keep Zeina as busy as possible, asking her a million meaningless questions about what things she wanted to buy soon, if her car needed to be fixed, whether she liked to buy the new Chanel bag she was asking for, and many more. If Zeina’s mother wasn’t asking questions she was talking about the many women in Zeina’s family who had just given birth and who was vacationing where this summer. Zeina enjoyed the fact that she didn’t have to talk because the closer she found herself getting to the Avenues, the worse her mood became.

Eventually Zeina pulled her car into one of the empty parking spots in the yellow colored section and followed her mother, who was on the phone with Um Jassem, inside the mall. She could hear the word Starbucks coming from her mother as she grabbed her phone to check if there were any messages…there wasn’t.

“Ohma ib Starbucks..” Zeina’s mother told her as she headed up the escalator.

“Okay…” Zeina faked a smile.

When they made their way into Starbucks Zeina’s attention was immediately caught by a pair of daringly red lips; they were naturally, Dalal’s. The color of the devil, Zeina thought to herself. She plastered her fake smile on her face once again and began her polite pleasantries with Um Jassem and her devil daughter. Zeina longed to see Dana’s comforting face right now like she had at the Shalaih but she had no idea where Dana was right now and couldn’t bring her over to Starbucks no matter how much she longed to.

The first part of the hour was dedicated to listening politely as Zeina’s mother and Um Jassem talked about what was new in Kuwait and who was engaged to who, Zeina’s mother relisted the names that she had told Zeina off in the car, of all the women who had recently given birth. They began arranging their calenders in order to attend all the estiqbalat and funerals together.

“Youma..abi atisawag” Dalal whined finally interrupting the conversation.

“Waay bismilla tawna ga3deen 7abeebti…” Um Jassem replied turning back to her coffee and beginning to discuss a new topic.

“La7tha..roo7aw entay o Zeina..” Zeina’s mother insisted to Zeina’s great disappointment.

“Ee yala Zeina goomay please..” Dalal innocently pleaded with Zeina. It was obvious this is what she wanted, and Zeina began to dread what Dalal had to say to her that needed to be done in private and not in front of the mothers. Unwillingly, but not wanting to be impolite, Zeina got up and followed Dalal out of Starbucks and towards the first store.

Dalal went on and on about a type of dress she was dying to have and that she had seen it on some girl who had told her she had gotten it at the Avenues. Zeina kept quiet during most of the conversation, limiting herself with words but trying to be as polite as possible when doing so. Finally, as they left their first store Dalal began talking about what Zeina was worried about…Manaf.

“Tathkereen hathak Manaf eli ma3ana bil jam3a?” She asked innocently, not meeting Zeina’s eyes. Zeina glared at her, she didn’t have the energy for Dalal’s mind games and wasn’t interested in anything she had to say.

“Ee..” Zeina muttered back, unfortunately she had to play along with Dalal since she couldn’t really run out of the Avenues like a mad man, although she longed to very much. Instead she kept following Dalal from rack to rack of clothes and focusing all her will power on not strangling the devil girl in front of her.

“Tadreen ina al7ean bel emarat?” She smiled. Zeina was taken aback by the statement, it was not what she had expected to hear and had no idea how Dalal would know something like that.

“Wetha?” Zeina asked her, what she really longed to ask was ESHDARACH, but she knew she couldn’t.

“3adi agoolich serr….kent a3arfa ana ..3adil..” Dalal smiled slyly.

“Laa?” Zeina asked her. She was being dragged into Dalal’s nasty battlefield whether she liked it or not. She knew that whatever Dalal had to say would have little truth to it but it would nonetheless kill Zeina with curiosity and jealousy.

“Ee…bes please latgooleen 7ag a7ad…entay mithel ekhty watheq feech…” Dalal lied shamelessly… “bes yatna fatra wakharna 3an ba3ath. Now shway shway ga3d yerja3…et3arfeenhom il reyayeel masra3 ma yolhoon. Dagli gabil la yroo7 edbay o el 3ayar ga3ad egooli eshtabeen min ihnaak o madry shino eratheeni” Dalal let out an overjoyed giggle, beaming with delight.

Zeina’s stomach felt as if it had been kicked. No way it couldn’t be true, Dalal was flat out lying. But could she really be that low? She knew Zeina would find out she was lying eventually, would she really put herself in that position? Zeina’s questions were answered almost immediately as Dalal picked up her mobile and began flipping through the inbox.

“Shoofay….el message ili daza..” she held out her mobile to Zeina and her hand shaking Zeina took it and glanced at the screen. There in fact was Manaf’s number on the top of the message and beneath it the words “…khala9 etha tabeen shay goleeli.”

“ya7laila..” Zeina gasped out turning her face away from Dalal. This was exactly what she didn’t need on her day out. She regretted the second she had gotten out of bed and wished she was under her covers that very second. Dalal eyed Zeina intently as Zeina contemplated what to do that very second; Zeina considered things from slapping Dalal, to beating her with a bunch of hangers but finally decided to do something Dalal would not expect.

“hold on to him 3adil Dalool, layroo7 min eedich, good guys are hard to find” Zeina forced her biggest smile, “ta3alay tawni athker abi leggings, 3adi nazreg na5ethli?” And with that Zeina led the way out of the store smiling broadly and made her way to H&M to pick up leggings she didn’t need. Dalal walked after her speechless. After getting the leggings Zeina faked having dinner plans and told Dalal they needed to head back to their mothers so that she could leave.

Zeina practically dragged her mother out of Avenues, her mother tried complaining and getting her daughter to explain but Zeina insisted there was nothing wrong and that she was too overwhelmed with the za7ma and wanted to relax at home.

“3ala ra7tich…” her mother finally gave in, staring at her daughters face questioningly as she got into the car.

The drive back was silent, Zeina’s mother didn’t try to make any conversation as Zeina fumed behind the wheel. Once the car was parked Zeina stormed back upstairs to her bedroom and began dialing Manaf’s number…he didn’t pick up.

Zeina got into her PJs and threw herself in front of the television for the rest of the day, her mobile never leaving her lap. Manaf didn’t call back, instead he sent her a message at one in the morning “el shabab ma3ay bil ghorfa magdar adeg, akalmich bacher tesbi7een 3ala khair.”

Zeina turned off her phone without replying.

22

2008-12-18T10:21:00.001-08:00

Zeina tugged at the sleeve of her black 3abaya, staring intently at her colorless nails and the wad of stuffed tissue between her fingers. She refused to raise her head up, refused to let her eyes look at the mourning women around her. She focused all her thoughts on counting the breaths that were coming out of her constrained chest. The air hurt her deeply as it moved up through her swollen lungs and out of her reddened nose, and she swallowed deeply as the next gust of air made its way down her throat. She had spent the night before screaming hysterically, so much that she couldn’t speak now, even if by any miracle she had finally found something to say.

Her hands were no longer part of her body as they fidgeted by themselves playing with the crumpled up moist tissue, moving it from one hand to the other, then tearing it into smaller pieces. Her eyes, in fear of meeting the gaze of one particular person, managed to remain focused downward and blurred to the extent that she could barely make out the shape of her hands or their color. Her feet, like concrete, surrendered themselves leaving only the chair she was sitting on to hold her up. And her heart…her heart pounded softly inside her chest; but every few minutes, Zeina would remember the image or the voice of the person she would no longer see again, and it would stop beating for what to Zeina felt like an eternity, instead it began to stretch itself until it felt like it was beginning to tear right through the middle. It was during these moments that Zeina using whatever power she had left would stifle a scream of agony. It was the repeated tearing of her heart that had kept her up all night.

A hand touched Zeina’s arm then found its way to her waist raising her up slowly from her seat.

“Goomay 7abeebti” A voice spoke at her side, Zeina continued looking down as she was dragged towards a woman, a woman who maybe was one of a handful that was in more misery than Zeina. She didn’t look up as she gasped for breath between cries. She would raise a hand holding a tissue in it and would spread it across her face wiping her eyes and nose but in no way reducing the tears, as more poured down to replace them.

Zeina bent down to kissed the older woman’s forehead shaking as she tried to gain control of herself. As they made their way out of the crowded room a young woman made her way towards them. Her face registered more shock and confusion than anyone in the room; it was as if she was horrified by the people around her and was about to make a run for it. She hugged Zeina tightly and Zeina heard her let out a sob as she reached for her hand and pulled her into another room. Zeina, who was unable to force her body to do anything let herself be dragged wherever the woman wanted her to be. Once in the other room the woman bent her beautiful face down and began to cry openly as she bent down to pick up a large black bag. She lifted it up hugging it tightly, more cries escaping her and pushed it against Zeina’s body. Zeina hugged it back feebly still not meeting the woman’s gaze.

The same arm as before put itself around Zeina and led her outside to a parked car; the door was opened for her and she was pushed slightly into the seat. She sat there motionless; the bag unopened her in lap. Zeina had no idea how long the car ride had been, she had no idea what time it was or what she was wearing underneath her black envelope of death. Once the car had come to a stop, the arm came out and guided her back inside; Zeina hugged the bag to her chest as she made her way upstairs to her bedroom.

Sliding the door opened she looked inside, things were thrown everywhere, things she had broken in her hysteria from the night before were moved and the bed was somewhat made. Her mother finally let down her arm and tried to look at her daughter’s face but Zeina concealed it turning away. She knew that if her mother saw her face she would start to cry and that was a sound Zeina could not hear right now. She walked to the edge of the bed and sat on it, staring down and hugging the bag rocking slowly.

She heard a soft click as the door of her bedroom was shut leaving her alone in the dark. Sliding off of the edge and onto the floor she began opening the bag slowly pulling the first thing out of it.

It was Faisal’s University of San Francisco sweater; it was what he would wear whenever he had a big business meeting to prepare for, he had said that it reminded him of his university years when he crammed for exams. Zeina stared down at the gray piece of clothing, running her fingers over the letters. She lay it down slowly onto her lap and looked deeper into the bag pulling out a large envelope, ripping the top off she poured its contents out on top of the sweater; dozens of small pictures of her and Faisal scattered over it. They included some of the few pictures Zeina and Fai9al had taken together along with some of him by himself. She refused to look at any of them directly and began to push them aside reaching her hand back into the bag. She touched nothing but air realizing slowly that the bag was empty.

All she had left from Fai9al were the things scattered around her. She slowly reached for her mobile and began dialing a number and within seconds she heard it ring, “Hi it’s Fai9al, I’m not in the office right now, please leave a message…” The machine in his office spoke to her.

This was how she would hear his voice for the very last time.

21: The Barbecue

2008-12-17T09:58:00.000-08:00

Walking out of the shower Zeina checked her mobile for the time: 4pm, this meant she had two hours before she needed to be at Dalal’s house for the barbecue. Un-pausing the Desperate Housewives episode that was frozen on her TV she hit the volume on max and sat herself down in front of the mirror, hair dryer in hand. She had thought of a million ways to style her hair over the last 24 hours, the conclusion she had made at this point was that she was going to curl it into light waves before deciding where to go from there. Hair dryer in hand she tossed her head forward and began drying it, running her fingers through it as she did.

Once it was dry enough she grabbed the curler and began arranging it into waves; midway through her last curl her mobile rang, Manaf’s name blinked on and off:

Zeina: Hala Hala…

Manaf: 7abeebti, hala feech, ha tesaba7tay

Zeina: ee I’m doing my hair, 3indi wagt 9a7?

Manaf: ee bu sa3a, ana bamor wa7d min il shabab bawadeeh mukan o then bayeekom fa yemkin etkoneen ihnaak gabli..

Zeina: La ayshay Manoof asti7i..

Manaf: laish mama laish…entay ray7a as Dalal’s friend nesaitay. Ehya ra7 etkoon mawjooda mara7 etkoneen ebroo7ich

Zeina: I guess, bes lat6awel please

Manaf: I won’t 7abeebti don’t worry. Yala akhaleech etkhal9een ana bara bait refeeji

Zeina: okay see you soon 7ayati

After she had hung up she pulled open one of her dresser drawers to rummage through the dozen bottles of nail polish she had lying around; she was searching for the perfect shade of purple that would match the purple Marc Jacob flats she was going to wear. Finding the bottle she shuffled to her bed and plopped down on it beginning to paint her nails, double coating them when she had finished. As she waited for them to dry her mobile beeped with a message, she glanced at the screen and saw Dalal’s name. Dalal had been more than friendly over the past two days, on the first day they’d met she had sent her the address to her house and earlier that morning she had called to make sure Zeina was still coming.

After her nails had dried she flipped open her mobile and checked the text:

Dalal: Lama to9leen man6aqatna degeeli 3ashan adaleech in case you get lost

Zeina felt herself getting a bit more comfortable; she was nervous that it’d be awkward when she arrived and Dalal would be too busy hosting leaving, Zeina alone amongst God knows how many people she didn’t know, but the fact that Dalal was thinking of Zeina up until the last minute comforted her slightly.

Zeina: Enshallah ;* ..

Zeina made a quick call to Sara to ask how she had been the past few days, “esh9ar 3ala Faisal” she asked immediately.

“walla madry 9arla cham yoom mayrid 3alay shakla busy” Zeina replied.

She still hadn’t told Sara what was happening between her and Manaf and decided to wait until she was back in Kuwait to tell her face to face. Zeina wrapped up the conversation when she glanced at the time and found it to be almost six. She hurriedly threw on her white Chloe dress and slid her feet into the flats; when she had finished dressing she went back to the mirror and began working on her makeup. Deciding to leave her hair in its place, falling in wavy layers across her shoulders and back, she began filling up her clutch with what she thought would be the essentials: lipstick, small perfume bottle, and her car keys. When she finished she began texting Manaf:

Zeina: Bamshi now, enta wainik?

Manaf: Weya refeeji, shway wareda il bait. (He replied immediately).
-------
The closer Zeina got to Dalal’s house the more nervous she was; so nervous that once she found her street she slowed almost to a stop and considered heading back home. Before making her way to Dalal’s house she had made a quick stop at one of her favorite bakeries to pick up a cake for the gathering. Trying to ignore the butterflies in her stomach she drove on until she found the house number she was looking for. Dalal’s house was on the corner with a large drive-in garage, Zeina stopped her car at the entrance and began dialing Dalal’s number. She could see inside the house a large garden on the right that curved to the side and disappeared behind the house, lights filled the entire garden allowing Zeina to see several tables laid out. The house itself was bigger than all of the neighboring ones with large arcs that stood at both side of a large brown door with huge gold knobs. Inside the garage three cars were already parked, several more were parked on the left side of the house.

“Aloo, Zeina?” Dalal picked up, Zeina could hear people talking noisily in the background, her butterflies began dancing in her stomach.

“Hala Dalool, tara ana bara..” She said nervously into the phone

“Sef6ay dakhel 7abeebti ana 6al3atlich..” and with that the phone disconnected.

Zeina did as she was told and parked next to the third car on the right. Zeina noticed the big brown door slide open slightly and a tiny figure emerged, it was Dalal. She was wearing a flowing black dress with gold flats, her hair this time was pulled back in an elegant bun. Grabbing the cake box Zeina slid out of the car, instantaneously Dalal took the box out of Zeina’s hands and kissed her on both cheeks. Grabbing her clutch before locking the car Zeina began following Dalal inside.

“3asa bes ma the3tay?” Dalal asked her as they began walking towards the entrance.

“La your directions were good” Zeina replied, she was extremely uncomfortable and felt totally out of her element.

“Zain el7imdila, Manaf still ma yah o Sulaiman ba3ad he’s going to come later. Om o ibo Manaf are inside ba3arfich 3alaihom now, o omy o iboy o khawati Deema o Durar, Durar kubrich tara…” Dalal trailed on. Just then a maid came out carrying an empty tray, “Dalal, mama calling..” She told her, Dalal nodded handing her the cake and guiding Zeina with her arm inside. Zeina realized the gathering wasn’t going to be as large as she had expected but this made her even more uncomfortable; the gathering was so close knit that she was bound to stand out!

Inside Zeina led her from one living room to another one; everyone was gathered in the one overlooking the garden: “Mama, baba, 3ami, khalty, this is Zeina Al Flani refeeejti…” Zeina blushed severely lowering her head and mumbling a hello. Just then two more girls entered the room, they looked like copies of Dalal but in different sizes, one of them was extremely tall and thinner and the other one the complete opposite, tiny and extremely petite. Did any of them come in an unpleasant size? Zeina thought to herself.

The two families were sitting against the large glass doors that were opened wide revealing the barbecuing grills and tables set up outside. Dalal pulled Zeina aside and took her towards her sisters, “Deemo, Durar, this is Zeina” she smiled introducing her to them, from their reaction to her Zeina could tell that they knew about her and Manaf which made her slightly uncomfortable. What made her extremely uncomfortable was the fact that Manaf was so close to these three beautiful women, obviously spending large amounts of time at their home.

Dalal excused herself to answer a phone call and Durar pulled Zeina down to sit beside her, “Eshtishribeen?” She asked as one of the maids passed by. Zeina declined a drink for now and began answering Durar’s infinite questions about where she studied, what she studied, and what she did in her free time. She knew what Durar was doing, she was trying to make Zeina feel as comfortable as possible by keeping the conversation going no matter what. As Zeina was telling Durar about what new things she had spotted in the Avenues from her last visit she overheard mens’ voices coming from the front door. She immediately recognized Manaf’s voice as one of them. Seconds later they appeared in the living room, Manaf surveyed it quickly resting his eyes on Zeina who was stuck to Durar’s hip. He smiled at her presence, among his family and closest friends, and turned to say hello to everyone else.

A taller man followed Manaf into the living room, Dalal clinging to his arm; Zeina figured that was Sulaiman. He looked very much like Manaf only much more mature with a thinner build.

“Esh’hal mofaja2a il 7elwa” Sulaiman said looking around at everyone, when he met Zeina’s eye he smiled gently, making her blush even harder, he then looked up at Manaf and winked.

After kissing his aunt’s head Manaf made his way to the couch and sat next to Zeina, leaning in to say hello to Durar. Durar replied with the comfort of a relationship that was lifelong “ana I’m good, you?” She asked not bothering to look at him, as if seeing him around was more than ordinary. “Tamam, ha 3ayal ashofich you met Zayoon” He nudged Zeina’s shoulder with his as he said that. Durar smiled at Zeina’s reddening cheeks and leaned over smacking Manaf on the arm “lata7rijha maskeena, ba3dain mara7 tabee teyeena mara thanya!” She laughed patting Zeina’s shoulder lightly before getting up to answer to her mother who was calling out to her.

“Shaklich eyanin” Manaf immediately whispered when she was out of earshot. Zeina knew there were no more shades of red available for her cheeks and lowered her head.
“Esta7aina?” He sing-songed obviously enjoying teasing her. “Salamtay 3ala omy?” He asked her finally talking normally.

“Ee, you look exactly like her…” Zeina managed to say becoming a little more at ease.

“Ba3teriflich ib shaghla…” he told her, “tara tadry 3anich. Sorry wala bes ma3aref akhish 3anha shay…”

What little ease Zeina was beginning to feel immediately disappeared as looked up at Manaf’s mother who at that very second looked up and met Zeina’s eyes. She smiled slyly and looked away, making Zeina feel like she would burst with humiliation at any second. Deciding to move the gathering outside everyone got up and headed past the glass doors and began making their way to the two large tables pushed together. Dalal who had run upstairs to get something came skipping back looking for Zeina.
“Zayoon wainich?” She asked looking around before spotting Zeina, “yala benroo7 bara, ashwa 3abali khalooch ibroo7ich” she laughed when she noticed Manaf next to her.

By the time Dalal, Manaf, and Zeina followed everyone outside they were all seated. Dalal immediately took her place next to a seat Sulaiman had saved for her, Manaf picked up two chairs and placed them next to each other between Sulaiman and Deema. He pointed at one of them and Zeina took a seat.

“7ayallah min yana” Dalal’s dad spoke up looking at Zeina, she blushed again and replied with the appropriate response.

“3ayal ma gelteelna Zeina, shino tadriseen?” Manaf’s mother asked smiling tenderly from Zeina to Manaf and back again at Zeina. Clearing her throat Zeina began answering his mother’s questions, first about what she studied, then how old she was, and finally about where she planned to work when she finally graduated. Zeina answered all of them politely, glancing at Manaf every once in a while; he was beaming at her, not taking his eyes off for a second. From the corner of her eye she noticed Sulaiman nudge Dalal with his elbow and nod his head at the two of them. Zeina realized just how much everyone was staring at her and Manaf even as they tried their hardest to pretend they weren’t.

A while later the men gathered around the grill arguing over who knew how to barbecue the best, reminiscing over older gatherings when each of them had burnt something. Zeina found herself sitting with Dalal, Durar, and Manaf’s mother talking. They politely included her in their conversation, at times making sure that the majority of it revolved around her.

When it was time to eat Manaf sat himself once again next to Zeina picking out pieces of meat for her that were tender enough for her to cut. When she had trouble cutting off a piece of fat she leaned in helpfully with his fork and knife and did it for her. She would have felt self conscious if it hadn’t been for Dalal who had made Sulaiman cut up all her meat for her. Both mothers doted over Zeina, filling up her plate every time it came near to empty.

The weather was perfect, warm and not humid at all. When they had finished dinner dessert was spread out at the table and everyone got up to serve themselves whatever they wanted. Sulaiman and Dalal went inside to watch something on TV and Deema had disappeared. The parents were deep in conversation about something Zeina wasn’t paying attention to.

“Tabeen etdisheen dakhel?” Manaf asked her after she had refused dessert. All the food they kept serving her had stuffed her and there was no room for more.

“3ala ra7tik..” she replied looking back at the parents who weren’t paying them any attention. He led the way inside and she spotted Durar sitting talking on the phone in one corner, Dalal and Sulaiman were sitting in front of the TV watching some Arabic program, Dalal busy texting on her phone and Sulaiman trying to annoy her by pulling the phone out of her hand. Manaf kept walking and Zeina followed him into the second living room which was empty. He flipped on the TV in there and began scanning the channels as he patted the couch next to him.

“3adi..?” Zeina asked, referring to the fact that they were sitting alone together.

“Ee 3adi, mu imsakreen 3ala nafsna ib ghorfa” he told her not moving his eyes from the TV; Zeina sat down next to him.

“9ij Zeina tara shaklich eyanin” Manaf repeated this time looking at her and giving her a grin. Zeina’s heart melted; he was wearing a white dishdasha and had pulled up the sleeves, his arm muscles bulging from under them.

She couldn’t help noticing how close he was to her; the heat emanating from his body crawled up her skin sending silent shivers up her spine. All she had to do was move half an inch and they’d be touching. When he looked over at her, his face was so close to hers that she caught her breath. With his intense gaze, which Zeina was nowhere near getting used to, Manaf forgot about the TV and began flickering his eyes instead across her face taking in feature by feature. He was concentrating so deeply that Zeina, not moving her eyes from his, was afraid he might lean in and try to kiss her.

“Zayoon..” he whispered, finally resting his eyes on hers.

“Hala..” She gasped back, her body rigid

“Matadreen eshkither entay ga3da et3athbeeni…” He whispered, his voice turning husky. Zeina tried to swallow as she looked away, his gaze won over hers, and she had to look away with defeat. Not saying another word Manaf looked back at the screen and began flipping through the channels again. They sat in silence for a few minutes before the ringing from Zeina’s mobile made her jump.
“Bsmila 3alaich” Manaf said putting his hand gently on her arm, Zeina let out a laugh at her reaction.

“Khara3ni..” she laughed fumbling through her clutch for her phone.

“Meno?” Manaf asked the second she glanced at the screen

“Madry raqam ma a3arfa.. Mo mohim” she told him silencing it and throwing it back inside. Manaf smiled at her raising his hand and making circles with his finger against her arm; Zeina shivered slightly as goose bumps covered the places he had just touched.

“Okh…” he whispered to himself staring at the goose bumps then running his fingers delicately over them.

“Manaaf…” Zeina found her voice, pulling her arm away from under his hand and putting it in her lap.

“Sorry 3omri…” He said moving a little back on the couch making the space between them bigger. Zeina gave him a small smile. Minutes later Dalal, Sulaiman, Durar and Deema joined them, carrying plates of cake and mousse.

“Ma taboon shay?” Sulaiman asked gazing at their plate-less hands.

“La Zeina matabi o ana mara7 akel etha Zeina mara7 takel” Manaf pretended to be genuinely upset with Zeina not eating. Deema and Durar laughed.

-----

Zeina glanced at her mobile checking the time, it was 10:15… time had flown by when they had gathered in the living room. Sulaiman turned out to be hilarious; him and Dalal told Zeina stories about their childhood including, to Zeina’s delight, several embarrassing stories about Manaf in his day’s way back when. She was genuinely enjoying herself and almost didn’t want to go back home.
“Manaf lazim amshi tara…” Zeina whispered to him. He glanced at his wrist watch then looked at her pleadingly.

“Yala 3ad bes shwaya..” He complained.

“Wala magdar mabi omy et3a9eb 3alay…” She told him. He nodded then got up with her.

“Dalal, it’s getting late ana lazim amshi…” Zeina smiled politely. Dalal unwrapped herself from Sulaiman’s arms and got up. After several attempts at trying to get Zeina to stay had failed she led her to the garden to say goodbye to the parents. She thanked Dalal’s parents and told Manaf’s parents how much of a pleasure it was to meet them. Manaf’s mom got up and kissed Zeina goodbye hugging her and whispering “khanshoofich 3ad” before pulling away. As they headed back to the first living room she saw Manaf still standing, “ana bawa9elha el sayara” he told Dalal.

“Okay..” she told him “7ayach allah any time ha Zayoon” Dalal said hugging her lightly.

“Allah y7ayeech mashkoora wayed tara I had a great time..” Zeina replied, “o kel 3am wenta eb khair Sulaiman” she said turning to him. He raised a hand in acknowledgment as he tried to swallow a large chunk of cake he had stolen from Dalal’s plate. Deema and Durar said their polite goodbyes and Zeina and Manaf headed outside. The front of the house was silent and Zeina couldn’t spot a single person there.

“Estanstay? 9ij Zayoon…” Manaf asked as he opened her door and she leaned against her seat. The door was now shielding them from view, and Manaf took an extra step forward covering what little space was left between them.

“Ee wala I did..” Zeina whispered back her voice croaking. Manaf was once again so close that she could practically feel his body against hers. She realized now as she stood inches away from him that if she raised her head her lips would barely graze his chin. He raised his right hand and grazed his fingers across hers, then slowly up her hand and glided them up to her elbow, he let his fingers rest there for a second staring at her, she noticed he had sucked in some air and was not exhaling.

He was holding his breath.

His fingers began moving again this time up her arm and began playing with the tips of her hair, finding their way slowly up to her cheeks. He put a strand of hair behind her ear and touched his fingertips to her warm cheek. She glanced up finally meeting his eye, he was staring down at her motionless, his eyes once again taking in all her features, glancing from her eyes to her nose, then down to her cheeks where his fingers lay and finally to her lips. She sucked in whatever air she could as she felt his body lean in towards hers, his hand brushing past her cheek and cupping her chin, pulling her head slowly towards his.

As the gap between their lips began to decrease Zeina’s heart began to race, his lips were finally less than centimeters in front of hers and Zeina closed her eyes bracing herself. She felt his warm breath against her cheeks and lips but instead of feeling his lips on top of hers she felt his breath moving slowly up towards her nose and then warming her eyes before finally she felt his lips on her forehead. Slowly but firmly he let them rest there for a few seconds before pulling back.
Just then her phone beeped with a message, Zeina broke their locked gaze as she fiddled with her clutch trying to get it open; she was flustered and could barely feel her fingers. Manaf’s hand brushed back across her arm and then rested on her lower back he looked down at her as she took out the phone and smiled feebly.

“Lazim amshi..” she told him opening the message without seeing who it was from.

“Okay 7abeebti” he told her stepping back. Zeina smiled, getting into her seat. She glanced down at the phone in her hand and skimmed the message. It wasn’t long but the three words jumped out of the screen stealing Zeina’s breath. The world began to spin and the color drained from her face.

She re-read the message making sure she had gotten it right:

3atham allah ajrich ..

20: Manaf's Mystery Girl

2008-12-16T10:39:00.000-08:00

Throughout the night Zeina tossed and turned, waking up a total of five times. The last time she awoke was an hour before her alarm was supposed to ring; deciding it was pointless to go back to sleep she pulled herself up in bed and hugged her pillow tightly. She looked around her room for something to keep her busy but there was nothing. Nothing else but the internet available to her at this hour she grabbed her laptop and logged into her MSN account, Faisal rarely got on msn but she hoped on this rare occasion he’d be online and she could get him to call her. To her disappointment Faisal’s messenger icon was dark meaning he wasn't, she opened chat boxes for the few people she could find online and began chatting randomly about anything that popped into her head.

As she began to wash up and get dressed she wondered if Manaf would call her before he headed to class like he always did; and as time slowly went by and Zeina began making her way to her car she began to realize that it wasn’t likely he’d be calling her.

Her phone didn’t blink until midway through her class:

Manaf: Ta3aleeli il gahwa after class bakalmich.

Zeina’s heart pumped in her chest; 'so he was the face to face kind of guy'…She thought to herself not knowing why she was feeling more nervous than relief. She had always thought people should deal with their issues by talking it out directly to each other and not hiding behind texts and msn, but the thought of Manaf with his burning black eyes and acid tongue waiting for her made her reconsider the texting idea. She could ignore him and say that she had been too angry at his behavior last night to meet with him but she knew that was cowardly and he’d see right through it so she began bracing herself for the confrontation.

Zeina was excellent at confrontations, she was always calm, diplomatic, and managed to get straight to the point. She had always been able to do damage control among her friends whenever a minor misunderstanding occurred and she was always considered the mediator between many of her friends when they needed to work things out. Zeina’s theory about this was that even if it didn’t work out she could just walk away and never speak to the person again, but that idea caused a heavy tug on her heart. If this went wrong she didn’t want to walk away from Manaf and never speak to him again.

'What if he was planning on ending it with her instead of talking it out?' The thought hit Zeina like a truck and just before the panic could wash over her entire body the professor signaled that the class was over by walking out of the room. Zeina took more time than was necessary to gather her one notebook and adjust her top. Her hand beginning to shake she grabbed her bag and began making her way to where Manaf was waiting for her, a million negative thoughts went through her head as she thought of the worst case scenario possible.

Taking a deep breath she walked over to Manaf’s table, he looked up at her but didn’t smile, instead he looked back across the table and spoke at someone Zeina couldn’t see. As Zeina made her way through the crowd she began getting a clearer look at Manaf, he was sitting at a table for four, across from him the gorgeous girl from the Avenues sat; legs crossed, coffee mug in hand, she glanced over her shoulder at Zeina and gave her a tight indefinable smile. Zeina could feel the sound of her heart over the music that came from every corner of the place, for a second she contemplated turning around and making a run for the parking lot but she had already lost control of her legs and was walking like a zombie towards Manaf’s table. When she was standing right in front of them she opened her mouth to speak but no words came out.

“El salam 3alaikom” the girl gave Manaf a careful look before turning to face Zeina. She picked up her bag, which to Zeina’s great annoyance was another Hermes Birkin from the seat nearest to Zeina and pushed it out for Zeina to sit in. Tentativeley Zeina sunk into it still unable to speak, she continued to stare at her, throwing a few glaring looks at Manaf.

“Zeina, this is Dalal….Dalal, Zeina..” Manaf spoke finally gesturing from one girl to the other and then back again before leaning back obviously done talking.

“Awal shay lat3a9been…” the girl spoke directly at Zeina now, after Manaf had given her a nod of approval to talk, Zeina noticed that her voice was more delicate than any other woman she had ever spoken to, it was almost childlike but in an adorable way. “…bes tara Manaf gali 3anich o gali 3an ili 9ar bainkom. Manaf mithel ekhoy le9gheer o mosta7eel aftha7a aw aftha7 eli ye7ibhom fa nobody is going to know about this conversation..” She smiled at Zeina in a very sisterly way and Zeina felt herself loosening up at the words “ekhoy le9gheer..”

“okay…?” Zeina said finally finding her voice..

“Iboy o bu Slaiman rabi3 min 3omor o e7na we were practically raised together..” she turned to give Manaf a smile, his face didn’t change expressions. “o Manaf methil ekhoy, o ib nafs il wagt Manaf soon enshallah bekoon ekho rayli…” She beamed at the last statement.

Zeina immediately understood, this was Sulaiman’s fiancé. She could feel her cheeks redden with embarrassment which was immediately replaced with rage.

“Tara you could have said that min il bedaya…” Zeina snapped turning to Manaf who was smirking back at her now; the rage from within her began to rise until she felt tears stinging her eyes.

“Sorry es7ibich all the way here, all I wanted was an explanation..” Zeina turned to Dalal and spoke shyly.

“O by the way, hathy el Dalal il wa7eeda ili akalemha” Manaf added leaning in and staring at Zeina seriously, she gave him another nasty look and turned back to Dalal.

“Mabrook, I guess” she let out a nervous laugh not knowing what else to say to the stranger in front of her.

“alah ebarik ib 7ayatich wel faal lich inshallah” she said turning to Manaf and giving him a meaningful smile as she said the last part, Manaf laughed and turned to face away obviously men7irij by what she had said.

“anyway, kenna ana o Manaf ga3d enkhali9 some last minute stuff 7ag Sulaiman lana it’s his birthday 3igub bacher o bensaweela barbecue ib baitna o that’s the main reason I’m here. Dagaitla ams o kan 7ail met’thayeg o yoom sa2alta what happened gali ina fe wa7da shafita weyay o tethayigat o estaghraabt 7aaail …” her voice dripped dala3 as she spoke “ma la 3ada Manaf yehtam ib hal swalif. No3a ygool bel 6agag o yamshi, fa ana gelt akeed hal yedeeda hathy special..” she winked at Zeina and patted her hand gently, “fa if it’s not too uncomfortable with you I was wondering if after all this was cleared up etha you’d like to come to the barbeque, eta3arafain 3ala ahal Manaf o me ba3ad, ma abee we get off on the wrong foot, kha9atan bacher bel mostaqbal inshallah we’ll need each other to deal with Manafo o ekhooh il de3la.. I can’t handle them all by myself” she giggled teasingly.

Zeina felt herself blush at Dalal’s constant hints of the future; had Manaf already talked to her about marriage?

“Mashkoora wayed Dalal..” Zeina began not knowing how to answer her invitation, luckily she didn’t have to, Manaf did for her.

“Ra7 etyeen…” He told her, his mood had gotten better and a small smile was plastered on his face.

“Umm..okay, enshallah…” she smiled at Dalal, Manaf stretched his arm out and touched his hand over Zeina’s squeezing it for a minute before pulling it back to his lap.

“Heeyyaa..” Dalal clapped quietly smiling at Manaf and Zeina.

“Khala9 mu za3lana?” She asked Zeina, obviously caring if she was upset or not.

“La wala I’m not, o walla sorry for all of this Dalal, I feel bad for dragging you into this please la ta5theen fekra mu zaina 3ani…”

“Ubay bel 3aaaks..” Dalal interrupted her, her eyes widening with shock, “latgoleen chithee, your practically family o law mu elyoom chan soon we would have been introduced to each other fa its better we got it done sooner.” She said. Right then her phone began ringing, “weeh it’s Sulaiman, 6ayart’hom ew9alat!! Baroo7lihom el ma6ar..mara7 etyey?” She asked quickly standing up.

“embala dgeega wal7igich..” he told her.

“It was GREAT seeing you Zeina…” she emphasized, her words running together, “please please khal enshoofich bil barbecue okay!”

“Enshallah see you..” Zeina smiled as Dalal rushed out the door answering her fiancé with a squeal as she disappeared around the corner.

Manaf turned to Zeina and stared at her for a few seconds, Zeina couldn’t read his face.

“Za3lana?” He asked after a minute of silence.

“La2…bes the way you acted el bara7a sucked!” She told him pouting slightly and turning away. She wasn’t going to let him off that easily, Dalal had done all the work for him.

“Ee ams tethayagt ana min shaghla thanya, shaghla we need to talk about..” He told her. Zeina immediately knew what the shaghla was.

“Adry…I called him katha mara bes lail7ean ma rad 3alay. Awal ma he does I promise I’ll do it..” Zeina told him, her shoulders loosening. She hadn’t realized how tense she had been during Dalal’s presence.

“Law raad 3alaich chan sawaiteeha wela la2?” He asked her staring intently into her eyes. His gaze made a hole right through her and no matter how hard Zeina forced herself to stare back into his eyes, she could only manage to do so for a few seconds before the tension they caused became too forceful for her to handle.

“Of course..” she said shredding the napkin Dalal had left under her drink in front of her.

“Okay..” he replied.

“Wenta met’thayeg?” She asked him even though she knew she shouldn’t, she wanted to make sure there were no hard feelings before they left.

“La, bes ra7 atithayag if you don’t come to the barbecue..”

“Ee about that..” Zeina began, “eshbitgool 7ag ahalik?” She asked him.

“Bagoolihom ili tabeeni agoola, ana ma3indi mani3 I tell them the truth o introduce you 3adil, bes etha mayray7ich hal shay Dalal will say inich refeejat’ha o yaya 3ashanha..”

“Ah okay…” She told him, this made a lot of sense, and gave her no excuse to reject the invitation.

“Entay eshtabeeni agoolihom..” He asked her.

“Umm..refeejat Dalal please..just for now” she told him. She was too uncomfortable with being introduced as his girlfriend, at least not yet.

“3ala ra7tich” he smiled and touched her hand one more time. “7abeebti ana lazim amshi al7ean ahali tawhom wa9leen..” he grabbed his cell phone and began getting up, Zeina followed suit.

“garat 3ainik..” She said picking up her bag.

“Eb wayh nebeyich..” he replied opening the door for her and walking her to her car.

“Adeglich ba3dain okay 7abeebti” he told her closing her car door behind her.

As Zeina began adjusting her seatbelt her mobile buzzed with a message, Zeina couldn’t recognize the number.

991xxxxx: “Hi it’s Dalal, save my number 7ayati o I’ll send you 3inwan baitna now ;*…”

Zeina sped towards the Avenues to shop for an outfit her jaw hurting her from the wide smile on her face that wouldn’t go away.

19: Confrontation

2008-12-15T07:43:00.000-08:00

Zeina’s mother woke her up at around 10 in the morning.

“Goomay youma, yala benterayag” she told her lovingly patting her shoulder. “thab7ich hal telifon! Mu zain et7i6eena yamich cham mara agoolich…” Her mother instantly began nagging over the phone that had fallen near Zeina’s head after her last conversation with Manaf.

“Youma, khaleeh…mafeeha shay” Zeina muttered groggily trying to open her eyes and take the phone out of her mother’s hand. After her mother left and shut the door Zeina made her way to the bathroom to wash up, already beginning to go over the conversation she was going to have with Faisal later on in the day. Just before heading down for breakfast she called Manaf, he answered immediately.

“Haaa?” He whined on the phone.

“Affaa..chithee yridoon 3alay?” Zeina replied looking for a hair band to tie her hair with.

“sheno? Meno?” He asked obviously confused. Zeina didn’t answer him smiling at the way he got so disoriented when he woke up. She could imagine him tied up into his covers, his eyes closed tight, trying to put sentences together while half of him was still deep in sleep.

“Zayoon?” He said after a moments silence.

“Ee...akhaleek etkamel noomtik?” She said, not really asking him.

“Tabeen shay?” he asked

“La salamtik, call me lama teg3ad okay?” She smiled and as he gave her an incomprehensible grunt she hung up. She dialed Faisal’s number next, it was turned off. Not wanting to lose her nerve she found his Kuwaiti number that he took with him everywhere and called it as well…it was off as well. Feeling a bit relieved she made her way downstairs and asked for French toast, something she had been craving since the night before.

After finishing her breakfast she got a call from one of her friends telling her about dinner at the Avenues. Zeina agreed, already bored with the shalaih. As time went by Zeina couldn’t help noticing that Manaf didn’t call her. Soon it became lunch time, and after lunch it became time for her to leave the shalaih before the sun set and he still hadn’t called. Zeina contemplated calling him and finally as she got into her car she dialed his number; it rang with no answer.

Zeina began wondering what he was up to that was keeping him so busy he had forgotten to call her but couldn’t come up with anything. As she drove back home alone in the car she decided to try Faisal again, taking a few breaths to calm her nerves she dialed his first number; still the phone was turned off. She tried his second line, it was still off too. Knowing Faisal she knew that this wasn’t something normal and a wave of nausea washed over her. Where could he be?

Eventually she made it to her house, pulling up to the driveway she grabbed her overnight from the back seat and made her way inside throwing it at the bottom of the staircase before running up it and into her bedroom. She tried Manaf one more time but he didn’t reply.

“Wainik?” She texted immediately throwing the phone on her bed and hitting the shower. When she came out she checked her phone revealing no missed calls or new texts. She decided to keep herself busy and called her friend asking her what time she should be at the Avenues, “Ba3ad sa3a o ni9…chithee..” her friend told her. Zeina knew that in Kuwaiti time, this meant at least two hours from now. She sat herself in front of her large mirror and took out the curler and began tackling her hair. In the background Mtv was playing the best of the 90’s and a chorus of some boy-band’s love song filled the room.

“Alaah, ayam il boy bands..” Zeina laughed to herself. As she finished her hair and moved to her makeup she couldn’t help but glance at her phone which had remained silent all day long; she began to feel uncomfortable and didn’t know who was causing the majority of it Manaf or Faisal. Remembering that she hadn’t texted Faisal she grabbed her phone and wrote out “Call me please..” before forwarding it to both his numbers not knowing anymore which one he was using.

A little over an hour later she was done, she had picked out her outfit and laid it out on her bed. She stared one more time at her phone and fought off the urge to call Manaf one more time. She threw her laptop onto her lap and began to waste time surfing the internet. A while later her phone rang, her heart soaring, she made a grab for it and stared at the screen hoping to see Manaf’s name; it wasn’t however, instead it was her friend.

“Yala 6el3ay..ana ib 6ereeji” her friend sing-songed. Zeina told her she’d be on her way in a minute and began to change hurriedly, running out of the door within minutes. She began making her way to the Avenues, texting her friend every once in a while asking her where they’d be sitting.

-----------

Zeina glanced at her phone for the hundredth time; in front of her sat four of her friends all chattering animatedly about the newly released Twilight movie. Zeina had read the book and was borderline obsessed with it and would have loved to join the conversation but the fact that neither Manaf or Faisal had answered her all day was making her so nervous she didn’t have the energy to speak. Instead she kept her mouth busy with tiny bites of Chocolate Bar’s Mini Cake, licking the white icing off of her lips with every bite. Her eyes barely left the screen of her phone and if she was forced to make eye contact with one of the girls she made sure that some of her attention was given to the side to be able to catch any sudden bright lights coming from her phone, unfortunately the phone remained lifeless on the table all through dessert.

“Yala banat ana asta2then, waray ga3da bacher o omy ebtithba7ni etha ma ga3adt weyaha gabil la anam..” one of the girls spoke getting up from the table.

“Salmay 3alaiha..” “Way ya7laila” the girls chorused after her. Zeina attempted a huge smile as she realized that the night was coming to an end and still no Manaf or Faisal. The other two girls excused themselves right after the first, stating they needed to pick something up from one of the stores before leaving.

“Ee ta3alay Zayoon, ana abi shay min the new Avenues..etyeen ma3ay?” The last girl sitting turned to Zeina. Not wanting to head home and be alone with her thoughts Zeina agreed. They began walking across the mall, tiny groups of men and women noisily chattered around them; some of them rudely crashing into Zeina but she didn’t care this time. She was too deep into her thoughts. She realized she was more upset with Manaf for not calling but more worried about Faisal. Eventually they made it into the new phase; “Ay ma7al tabeen?” Zeina asked her friend.

“Paul & Joe” She replied, Zeina followed like a zombie listening half-heartedly to her friends story about one of the arguments she had had with the salesman from another store. Once Zeina’s friend had finished picking out an outfit from Paul & Joe they headed out of the store; just then a man’s profile grabbed Zeina’s attention. He was a handsome man, standing a few meters in front of her, covered slightly by the moving crowd around him; he was staring down at his phone reading something. It took Zeina all of two seconds to recognize him… it was Manaf. Zeina’s eyes didn’t move from him as she watched him there standing alone looking around, as if searching. Suddenly his eyes met the object he was looking for; a tall, slender, beautiful woman. Her hair cascaded in thick honey brown layers to her back, her face shifted into a huge smile as she spotted Manaf and began walking towards him. Her features were perfect, big doe-eyes perfectly outlined with black kohl, red puffy lips, and the clear white skin of a baby. She wore skinny black jeans, a white top with a black vest over it, casual yet she still looked like a model. Delicately slung on her arm was the black Hermes Birkin bag; the one Zeina was dying to have. This bag was just the cherry on top of the huge sundae of dismay that Zeina had in front of her.

Her breath stopped midway up her lungs as she saw Manaf smile back and greet her. They were face to face now laughing and talking, completely comfortable with each other; a few seconds later Manaf led her towards one of the stores around the corner.

“Zeina shfeech!” A hand shook Zeina slightly but Zeina was too dazed to reply.

“Sheno? Mafeeni shay” She muttered, the lump in her throat was too large to allow her to saying anything else.

“Akeed, wayhich abyath!” her friend continued worried.

“La mafeeni shay, faj2a shab 3alay ba6ni madry laish…” she lied feebly beginning to walk in the opposite direction from the one that Manaf and the girl had taken. Her friend followed not knowing what else to do; they continued to the parking lot in silence, her friend glancing at Zeina every few minutes nervously but decided not to say anything. Zeina said goodbye as politely as she could as she headed towards her car and once she was safely inside she began breathing heavily trying not to hyperventilate.

This time she couldn’t call Sara.

--------------

11:45 pm

Zeina checked her phone, Manaf had called twice but she hadn’t picked up. She knew she should confront him but what if he told her something like “it was my sister..” and it wasn’t? He could easily lie to her and tell her it was someone he knew. No matter how much she wanted to trust Manaf, she kept remembering the warnings she had received about him, all aside from Dana who had defended him. But what if Dana was wrong too?

Zeina dialed Manaf’s number deciding she’d figure out what to tell him once she started talking to him.

“Hala bil ga63a..” He answered on the second ring.

“Hala feek..” She replied her voice lacking any kind of emotion.

“Shloonich..” He asked her, she could tell he was fiddling with stuff.

“Zaina, you?”

“Ana zain…shloon yoomich meta 7adartay min il shalaih?” He asked her not noticing her tone and Zeina was thankful for it. But suddenly an idea hit her.

“Ba3d el ghada beshway…enta shino sawait elyoom?” she asked him, this was his chance to confess.

“Mako, re7t avenues a5eth shaghla o ba3dain el dwaniya shwaya.. entay eshsawaitay?”

“Re7t avenues weya rab3ik?” She asked him ignoring his question.

“Yup.” He replied. Zeina’s heart sank.

“Ana kent ib avenues ilyoom ba3ad Manaf..” She told him fighting off the tears, it was at this point that her voice failed her and began quivering.

“La, sh3indich ehnaak?” He asked her, his voice had changed as well, it became alert and careful.

“Ta3ashait…o sheftik ihnaak, refeejik mashallah wayed jameel, china bint!” Zeina snapped letting go of all of her sense. Manaf paused for a second and took a deep breath.

“Zayoon..mu chithee il salfa..” He began but he was stuttering and obviously was at a loss for words.

“La shakelha chithee il salfa o akthar ba3ad…Manaf ana feeni il noom o banam. Bye”

“Zeina eshda3wa…khal entifaham.” He told her, but then kept quiet offering her no explanation.

“La o tabeeni adeg 3ala Faisal wagoola maykalemni ha! Wenta min waray cham wa7da ga3ed etkalem?”

“Zeina mu ga3d akalem ghairich..” he began, “o min ye6la3 Faisal?” He asked then immediately understood, “ah hathak..”

“Ee HATHAK…” Zeina’s voice rose considerably as she felt fury build up, she kept imagining the beautiful woman with him and the jealousy, like a monster inside her, began to grow. “O ashwani ma getla ywakher wela chan…”

“Sheno..” Manaf interrupted her, his voice had turned from stuttering to poisonous, “ma kalamtee lail7ean?” Manaf’s rage was unlike Zeina’s, he was quiet and collected but she could feel the venom dripping with every word he said.

“Laish agoola, ka enta ga3d etkalemli Dalal o te6la3li ma3a madry mino..” She continued, his sudden reaction to her last statement caught her off-guard, she hadn’t expected him to get angry she was prepared to be the only enraged person in this conversation.

Manaf didn’t reply for a few seconds but she could feel his angry breathing as he tried to regain control of himself.

“Momkin a3aref laish ma dagaitay 3alaih?” He asked her speaking through his teeth.

“taby taglib il salfa 3alay ana?!” Zeina defended herself, “eshrayek etgooli enta laish you’re lying to me o mino hal banat eli ib 7ayatik when you’re telling me I’m the only one. La o foog hatha taby etkoon the only one in my life ba3ad!” Big helpless tears began falling down Zeina’s cheeks as she tried to control the sobbing out of her voice.

“Zeina, rasi y3awerni baroo7 anam.” Manaf whispered into the phone.

“Fine” She muttered back disconnecting the phone; she threw herself onto her pillow and covered her face with her blanket then cried herself to sleep.

18: Manaf's Question

2008-12-12T14:40:00.000-08:00

Ya nas whom I love very much .. sam7ooni 3al post leg9eer bes i've had a long day o mafeeni shada aktib akthar min chithee ... enjoy ;*

-----------------

Zeina tried to concentrate on her mother’s story as she glanced for the thousandth time at her mobile screen checking the time. It was a little past ten and she could barely keep her eyes open and she knew she’d have to wait another few hours for Manaf to get home and call her but she began to think that it wasn’t going to be possible. Excusing herself she said goodnight to everyone and headed to her room. Getting into her warm pjs and tucking herself under the covers she adjusted her ringtone on the loudest possible level so that it would wake her up when he called and closed her eyes to rest.

When she opened her eyes it was because of a noise blaring against her ear, startled she began fumbling with her phone to pick it up:

“Aloo..” she practically shouted into the speaker

“Hala..” Manaf’s voice spoke back, slightly taken aback by her tone, “shfeech nayma?”

Zeina glanced quickly at the screen it was 1:36 am, “la mensad7a” she replied throwing her head back against the pillows with a sigh, her heart still pounding from the sudden loudness of the ringtone that had jerked her awake.

“ah okay, shlon yoomich?” he asked. Zeina told him about having guests over, but left out who in specific, and raved about a new dessert she had tried vowing to try to make it for him sometime.

“laish te6bikheen?” he asked.

“la2, bes you’re going to eat it and like it” she laughed.

“qa9bin 3alay a9lan ..” he joked back, “enzain Zayoona mama, ana we9alt il bait khal abadil wakalmich ok… mu etnameen mani im6awel”

“Enshallah” she replied and disconnected her phone, she sat up to avoid falling back to sleep but Manaf didn’t give her a chance to fall back, within minutes he called her back.

“Mmmm…” he murmured instead of hello, the sound of the sink tap being shut off filled the background followed by a door slam.

“Mmm yourself..” she slid herself back under the covers and hugged an extra pillow she had lying next to her. “you wanted to ask me a few questions..” she reminded him.

“Ee I did…” he told her, the sound of ruffling cover sheets filling her ear as Manaf got under his own covers, a second later she heard a click of a lamp being turned off. “awal so2al?”

“Yala go ahead…”

Zeina closed her eyes hearing ever so loudly the silence of the shalaih which was now full of sleeping people, she smiled at an old line she had heard in a song once, ‘when at night everyone is asleep, only the lovers lie awake’ and thought of how it couldn’t be more true. Manaf’s voice was so clear in the silence and her imagination so powerful in the darkness surrounding her that if she closed her eyes and concentrated it was almost as if he was lying right beside her. At that moment she felt a wave of emotion so strong she couldn’t remember ever experiencing it before. She realized that the past few weeks had been spent in a bubble that held only her and Manaf; she had survived on him and him alone; if someone she had only just met was able to fill the voids in her life that belonged to Sara and Faisal, two people who took years to come into hers, what would happen when she spent a year with him? Ten? A lifetime.

She realized at that moment that when it came to Manaf, it would be enough for her just to listen to the sound of his breathing.

“Can we be honest with each other? Mahma sa2alna ba3ath, can we?” He asked her. Zeina understood where this conversation was going; they were about to lay out their cards. Admit to their pasts and discuss their future. Zeina had went through the exact same process with Faisal, except with him she had let him take the lead, tell her how he’d like things to be, and she was happy with whatever he had to offer her. This time Zeina wanted to do it right, she had decided to take a risk with Manaf and she wanted to be honest with him from the start. If he can’t handle it then maybe he wasn’t as great as she was building him up to be in her mind; but as she told herself these words of encouragement a tiny lump formed in her throat.

“I can, can you?” She asked him trying to sound confident.

“I can and I will…and to make it easier for you I’ll go first ba3ad. Bes only if you want to hear it…”

“I do..” she whispered, preparing herself for whatever was to come.

“Shoofay mara7 achatheb 3alaich, ana kalamt min gabil o 7abait. O eli 7abait’ha kent misti3id atizawaj’ha bes ma3a el wagt ektishaft ina kethir ma ana kent a7ebha kanat t7ib ghairi. 3a6ait’ha el for9a enha te5tar baini o baina o ma a7taj agoolich mino e5tarat…min ba3ad’ha ta3araft 3ala wayed banat o marat ydishoon galbi, bes wela wa7da feehom gdarat etnaseeeni 3an hatheek. Awal yoom sheftich feeh bil Office kent tawni shayefha o darait ina hathak ma khathaha, o e7tarait akthar lana bil nihaya ili saweta feeni 6ala3 7ag wela shay. Il mohim sheftich ihnaak o adry ma bayantlich 7azat’ha bes 3ajabteeni 3ala6ool bes a6la3 7mar itha 7awalt at3araf 3alaich 3igub il qahar ili shefta min hatheek. Kelish mu nage9ni ana. Bes ma3a il wagt kelshay taghayar, the more I knew you the more el anger seems to go away. Bdaal la afaker feech waqarnich feeha mithel baji il banat, 9ert afaker feech wansaha. O lately I’ve been wondering etha entay 3indich a7ad ib 7ayatich now...teradadt as2al lana it was none of my business. Bes now I want to make it my business o abeech et3arfeen ina I’m not talking to any other girls mithel ma atmana inich mu ga3da etkalmeen ay a7ad ghairi.”

Zeina tried to take in everything he said at once.

“What do you want me to tell you now?” She asked him, not knowing where exactly she should start.

“Adry inich 7abaitay min gabil Zayoon…bes abi a3aref where you stand right now when it comes to your old relationship and when it comes to me…”

“Manaf, you promise you won’t get mad and you’ll keep an open mind about everything I’m going to tell you 9a7?” She asked him fearfully.

“I do, abeech etgooleenli il 9ij no matter how bad you think it is..”

“ee 7abait.. o it ended a long time ago. Taqreeban min sena… bes the truth is reja3…”

“Raje3 yabeech ya3ni?”

“Ee..”

“Wentay? Tabeena?” Zeina could feel the pain in his voice as he said this. How many times would he have to ask the women he loved this very question?

“I was confused for a while. Bes now…no ma abeeh.”

“Etkalmeena? On the phone ya3ni?”

“Ee..”

“And what are you going to do about it?” He asked her. She was shocked at how diplomatic he was being about all of this; she had expected him to trick her into confessing then using it against her but he seemed to really want to talk it out; Zeina suddenly realized that this sounded like a negotiation, the one that adults got into in a civilized way.

“I’m ending it 6ab3an, I planned on doing so minziman, gabel la we have this talk, bes ihwa imsafer o I wanted to wait until he gets back”

“Uhaa…” he kept quiet for a second, “momkin a6lib minich 6alab?”

“Akeed..”

“Can you end it bacher?” he asked her. “3ashani.”

Zeina kept silent for a second thinking about what he had just asked. He had every right to ask it of her and she wasn’t going to do anything she hadn’t planned on doing in the first place.

“Enshallah.” She answered finally.

“Mashkoora..” He whispered.

“you’re welcome…” She answered immediately beginning to feel nervous about the conversation she was going to have with Faisal tomorrow. “mafee any other questions?”

“Embala two more…the one I’ve waited so long to ask” he laughed.

“Ee ee .. yala ask!” She started giggling, she was relieved to know now that the question wasn’t something she would be nervous talking about since they had gotten everything out in the clear now.

Manaf took a deep breath and Zeina paused in the middle of hers waiting for him to continue.

“Et-hagain ra7 tegdireen et7ibeen akthar minah?”

“Yeah…I think so..” she replied, honestly believing her answer. “So2al ghareeb..”

“I’ve never thought I could love anyone kether’ha .. until I met you…fa I know how hard awal 7ob is to get over. I need to know you can..”

“I can…and I have already Manoof..” Zeina told him confidently.

“ekhli9…9ert Manoof” He chuckled.

“Ee laish mamnoo3?”

“La bel 3aks…”

“Enzain sheno so2alik el thany?” She asked him blushing.

“Is it too early to start buying you gifts?” He asked. Zeina’s heart fluttered at the unexpected question.

“Ee..enta hadeeti o you’re more than enough” She told him.

“Khaleeni ana I decide what’s enough for you ha mama” Manaf replied.

They spent the next hour talking before Zeina began to doze off mid sentence…

“Yala namay Zayoon o kalmeeni awal ma etgomeen ok..”

“Mmmm…” Zeina mumbled in response.

“O please Zayoon…la tensain what you have to do bacher ha?”

And with that Zeina promised him again to do the one thing he had ever asked from her and shut her phone off immediately drifting off to sleep.